Progress vs Change

 

Progress vs Change

I've often said that I don't embrace change for change's sake. On the other hand, I think of myself as a very progressive person.  The biggest difference between progress and change is that change doesn't always turn out positive, whereas progress by definition alone indicates forward movement or advancement.

Because I am often quoted saying that I am happy, healthy and blessed, anyone can understand why I don't want change for change's sake.  My status as quoted is a happy place to be, and if nothing ever changes, it would be just fine with me.

On the other hand, progress is always welcomed.  Any positive changes to my quoted status, would only mean that my life is improving.  In the previous two years I have had a couple of great examples, one is progress, and one is of change.

Progress:  In Summer of 2019, I found out quite by accident that I had a serious problem with a heart valve, and it require attention.  see the following post:  http://www.being50.com/2019/07/the-silver-lining.html

The first Cardiologist recommended monitoring every 6 months and at worst I had 5 years left.                Fortunately, I had the best advocate representing me (my beautiful wife).  She decided without                consulting with me (that's what I would expect from the best advocate ever) that if a medical                  prognosis ever demanded a second opinion, this was it. We were referred to the best Cardiology              Team in this region of the United States. Within a little less than two months, I went into surgery            and emerged with a new lease on life (from a danger that I wasn't even aware of).  On the plus side        and with the blessing of the almighty, the successful surgery comes with a 25-year durability                approval (kind of like a warranty).  Once again, I can claim that I am happy, healthy and blessed.

Change:  Through most of my young adult life I embraced muscle car ownership even drag racing.  I've admitted that it was a costly experience, but very enjoyable and wouldn't change it if I could go back to the future. See the following post:  http://www.being50.com/2013/08/my-muscle-car-life.html

"A long time ago, in a kingdom, far far away."  This is my way of sharing with you that many years ago when I first met my beautiful wife, I had finally arrived at place in my life when I was ready to make the big jump to my ideal sports car (Chevrolet Corvette).  As life often does to all of us, it threw me a major curve (no regrets), my destiny crossed paths with my desire for my ultimate sports car, and love won. I chose to embark with this beautiful young lady into our future together. I never told her that I wanted a sports car and instead purchased a 4-door sedan more appropriate for raising a young family.

Over many years of happy marriage, she could see the look in my face every time I saw a Corvette in close proximity.  Once again, acting as my best possible advocate and knowing that we have raised our children and are experiencing (enjoying) the empty nest syndrome. she chose Father's Day 2021 to gift me my desired sports car (with all our children's approval).  I am grateful to my family for their love and support.

I would have to grade this change as a positive one and definitely one that should have been on my Bucket List.  Don't give up hope the best is yet to come.....

Back to School

It's Baaaaack!

Parting is such sweet sorrow.  Many emotions including memories come to mind this time of year.  I remember that I hated leaving the comfort of my home and the side of my mother to go to school for the whole day.  My parents were decently well of financially and so it is that I was enrolled in private school at the tender age of four.

A few days into the school year I finally became comfortable around my school mates and teachers.  So much so that by the end of the day, I almost hated to leave their company.  There again the minute I see my mother, I would forget the school friendships and teachers, and so went the early grades.  Having experienced parenthood since then, I now understand that this coming and going activity actually was for my own good, and actually pained my mother much more than it did me.

As the grades progressed you actually became not only smarter but prouder about all the things you were learning, and being able to understand so much about the world we lived in.  In short order we advanced into sports and other competitions such as Spelling Bees, and School Debates.  Accumulating Blue Ribbons, and certificates of accomplishment, and general recognition including lettering in sports.

The last half of junior high, or middle school as it is now known, you develop and interest in the opposite sex.  For sure this made summer break that much more difficult.  Not being able to see your special person of interest every day for the duration of summer.  However, because you did have a telephone number or email (now) your summer was bearable.  Besides you’ve heard the old saying about how “absence makes the heart grow.)  Unfortunately, education (classes) takes a backseat to the relationship that has grown during the summer with minimal distractions from school mates or classes.

End of summer and back to school, as the weeks and days grow closer you actually begin to feel a nervous stomach, but like everything else you get over it.  Your parents without letting you know, are actually happy that you will be going back to school and kept busy and supervised by someone other than them. This routine goes on year after year, and for some of us school becomes more fun than challenge. We begin to plan for college, and the possibility that our person of interest will attend the same college or maybe not.

Fast forward many years later:  we have gone past the stage of being the parent and raising our children through the same educational process.  Now we help do it all over again, only now as grandparents.  I have had grandchildren graduate from the university but the early preschool and kindergarten never gets old.  It continuous to be a challenge both physical and emotional.

When the school year was ending last spring, I remember dreading having to adjust my schedule from dropping them off at school and picking them after school intermittently (because their parents also took turns) to being Grandpa full time Activity Director for the summer. Now, however, I am only days away from having the majority of the days to myself once again until summer break.  I must confess, it’s not a great feeling.  I will miss all the company that I’ve had for almost 3 months.  The development of the little minds that I experienced firsthand answering their barrage of question about anything and everything.  The requests for a special meal for lunch, or a special trip to buy yogurt or ice cream at some drive-up window, even though the freezer is well supplied.  Maybe a couple of hours at the local park or an hour going for a bike ride, something is always happening.  As the saying goes never a dull moment.

I know that I am blessed, but I can only hope that the blessing will include watching them celebrate their university graduation, and even seeing them get married.  For now I’m not sure that I am ready for a world that has only adults for most of the day.  I am ready for missing the running around the house, and the questions about what are we having for lunch?  The beauty of the whole experience among other highlights is when my 5 year old granddaughter tells me that I am “the greatest cooker in the world.” She adds that I should go on television on the Chef Shows because I would win for sure.  When I ask her what my TV name should be, she quickly responds, “Chef Grandpa.”  I’m sure that I am not the only one that goes through these emotions, but I do know that the best is yet to come…….

Inner Turmoil

Inner Turmoil

I was raised to love and respect my parents and grandparents, aunts and uncles as well.  So I did; never understanding what a grown-up’s life and/or emotions were like.  I do remember that like most families there were arguments that sometimes ended in separation or worst yet divorce.  I recall favorite uncles and aunts that would go from being loving to each other to being unhappy, and arguing or even physically fighting.  As children, we were told to look the other way or at least stay out of harm’s way and to not question the turmoil.

Children during those times were supposed to be seen and not heard.  In my recollection few relationships (at least in my family tree) ran smooth from start to finish.  Almost always the road of life (at least where romance is concerned) is full of potholes. I could never understand why good looking and kind (nice) people with good looking children, would have a reason to argue and fight.  I was way too young to understand about the intricacies of life and romance (real love), and wicked lust.

The majority of the problems that I saw all around was man made (or woman made), because of third party involvement.  As a young person I didn’t have the experience or the right to judge the developments (of course even now I don’t have reason or right to get in the middle) in my family member’s lives.  As an adult I have a tendency to see the good in everyone.  I have been in situations where someone I thought I knew well (not related), was telling a fib (lie), and it went right over my head, until someone else pointed it out.  It seems that there are some experts at abusing alcohol, and medications that can tell a lie with a straight face.

Not all separations and divorces are driven by romantic entanglements.  Sometimes people get involved that had no business being involved with each other.  Wrong chemistry, wrong religion, wrong politics, wrong ethnicity, and wrong ethics.  I could write a couple more paragraphs of what could be wrong for two people's pairing.  As I get older I begin to realize that not all relationships need to start near perfect to succeed, if there is enough love and attraction between two people they can try a little harder and make it work.

When I think about how I (we) don’t know what’s in people’s hearts and minds, I am reminded of a popular program in the early years (somewhat before my time) and it goes something like this:

• The introduction from The Shadow radio program "Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men? The Shadow knows!"
• At the end of each episode The Shadow reminded listeners that, "The weed of crime bears bitter fruit. Crime does not pay... The Shadow knows!"

This post came about because I was trying to remember how much I really know about my maternal grandmother’s life.  So I got to thinking about how I remember her.  The only thing that I really remember is that she was very stern (strict), unwavering (I used to think cold hearted in her strictness).  I didn’t get to know my grandmother very well because I never lived close to her.  By the age of six we moved across the country and eventually immigrated to the United States. But there again, I was not aware of her trials and tribulations, her likes and dislike.  She was highly respected, and looked up to in her community. 

 

One of my memories that I have of her is that her third husband (she was twice widowed) was a few years her junior and she was extremely jealous especially as she aged.  On any given Saturday night he would take his boat across the river to a tavern where they played live music, and he would hang out with his friends, and who knows who else.  He would eventually return under the influence of alcohol, but until he returned my grandmother would pace the floor affected by anger and jealousy.  I never heard them fight or argue, mostly because my grandmother would act indifferent, and unaffected.  I wish I could have played a bigger role in affecting her happiness and well-being.  Then again, she appeared happy with her life.  The best is yet to come…..

Relationship Maintenance

View from our balcony

For a number of years during the period in our lives that our children were below the age of 8 years (with the youngest being 2 years of age) my wife and I hardly spent any quality time together during the week.  It was during that time that we decided to find a way to date even if only once or twice a month to maintain our sanity and romance strong.

It seems that all our waking hours were spent taking care of the children and their needs and wants. Responsibilities included taking care of my mother who had come to live with us at my wife’s invitation.  Don’t get me wrong my mother didn’t add to the list of chores, in fact she was a special blessing.  We could always trust my mother to look after the children for short amounts of time while my wife and I tended to the family business, and I of course also maintained a full time job (and at times night school).

Quite by accident we discovered a brand new hotel on the water front, when we took the children for ice cream and a stroll on the Marina.  I was so impressed by the location that I got away long enough to check out the rooms, and view, as well as the costs involved.  While there I made a reservation for a couple of weeks down the road.  It was meant to be a surprise get away for my wife, so I kept it to myself.

Our typical stay there included a chilled bottle of champagne, and twelve roses set up in advance of our arrival by the hotel (by pre-arrangement of course).  The place had what I considered a huge Jacuzzi in the master suite, and a balcony that was right over the water overlooking the Marina.  We most often had a rushed day even as our check-in time approached.  We would, however, always make time to stop at a grocery store to buy more fruit than we could eat (pears, apples, oranges, bananas, mangoes, etc.), and more magazines then we could read while spending one night away.

View from restaurant

 

Right next door was a new and considered amongst the best in the area, seafood restaurant. The evening consisted of a very nice and relaxed dinner, followed by a walk along the Marina.  Once back at the hotel we would relax in the balcony reading and enjoying the sound of seagulls over the sailboats anchored near our window.  We would follow this relaxed time by an even more relaxing time reading in the Jacuzzi.  Almost any talking we did was conversations about the children and what each one of us had been doing during the week.  The total cost for the one night normally ran in the neighborhood of $300 plus dollars, I know it sounds a little extravagant especially for early 1980’s, but look at the bright side:  we were 6 miles from home and could be there in under ten minutes if we were needed.  No cost for travel to out of state vacation.  Plus it saved us from spending that much or more on therapy.

Hotel Lobby

 

If I were to justify this post it would be simply to keep fresh in my mind the responsibilities that goes with forming and maintaining a loving relationship that endures beyond the years after the children leave the nest.  Saying I love you every day for a lifetime is important, but keeping the relationship fresh and interesting is equally important.  At some point when the children start arriving they totally disrupt the romance if you let them.  You owe total focus to the children, but that only means that you have to step up your game, and make time for the one person that you fell in love with and give adequate effort to the love affair.  I know that what I am talking about borders on a perfect life, and I’ve said it before that we are blessed.  None of our story was without effort.

If you are presently faltering even a little bit in your relationship, there is plenty of time to step up your game.  Keep in mind that it takes two to tango, but be persistent.  The best is yet to come…..

Special Anniversary

Special Anniversary

 

Growing up even as a pre-teen, I felt tough, border line invincible.  After all I grew up watching the Lone Ranger, the Adventures of Superman, Roy Rogers, Gene Autry and others, plus a real live mouthy but role model just the same, Cassius Clay (later, Mohamad Ali).  Like Clay I felt that given the opportunity, I could float like a butterfly and sting like a bee.  Later in high school I lettered in every sport I participated in (football, wrestling, and track and field).  I was raised on the farm so I worked hard, and trained hard.  My football coach once told one of his assistance that he didn’t have to worry about players like me because he knew I stayed in shape year round thanks to the farm life style.  Over hearing things like that, didn’t hurt my ego at all.

 

Later on in life, and even now I am very competitive in everything I get involved in: sports, board games, work, business, and life in general. I have a reason for establishing my behavior and attitude in the early years.  As I’ve gotten older, I feel safer when going into a bad neighborhood if Mr. Smith, and Mr. Wesson come along for the ride.  I’m sure the years has maintained my animalistic instincts except that now:  I most likely float like a bee, and sting like a butterfly (I’m being serious).

My mother and father separated and later divorced around the time that I was about 8 years old.  For that reason, my mother for all of my life, was the go to person.  Her love for me was unconditional.  There was nothing in her life that was more important to her than her little boy.  Even as I grew into adulthood, she treated me as an adult but I was always her little boy.  At times when I was being stubborn about anything in my life she was the only person that could bring me off of my high horse, and make me reason.

Classic Beauty

 

While I was growing up without a father, she was both mother and father, and she worked two or three jobs to make sure that we lived in the best neighborhood that she could afford for my safety.  I lived my life (even now) to make her proud of me.  As tough as I thought I was, all it would take was a stern look from my mother to make me fall in line.  That was a level of authority that I didn’t dare question.  My mother never spanked me (ever), all she had to do was let me know that she was disappointed in something I said or did, and raise her voice.  I would raise my arms up to her asking for a hug, and apologizing for any wrong doing, and we were good.

 

As an adult I would call her from anywhere I might be in the country or out of the country, on her birthday and Mother’s Day.  If I was anywhere in the same State, I would drop in for a meal with her to celebrate the occasion.  I regularly called her on my birthday and/or sent flowers to thank her for giving me life.  You could say and I admit it, I was and still am (proudly) a mama’s boy.

 

Today is the 14^th anniversary of the day she was called to Heaven.  On this day 14 years ago for the first time ever, I felt alone and vulnerable.  In her last years, I knew that she could no longer protect me, but she always ended every in person or phone conversation with God Bless you my son.  I didn’t realize how powerful those words were, until I couldn’t hear them anymore.  I love and miss my dear mother, but I know that she is in a better place, and looking over her little boy.  The best is yet to come…..

About Gift Giving

About Gift Giving

As usual this is one man’s humble opinion, if you don’t agree, I am perfectly fine with it.  Regarding Santa, well, that is a tricky subject to go to.  However, if you are going to discredit Santa. Than you are going to have to be fair, and discredit, the Tooth Fairy, Easter Bunny, etc., etc., oh and don’t forget the Boogey Man.  If all good things go, than the bad ones have to go too.

I always had my children believe in the magical things like Santa and the others for as long as they could do it without getting embarrassed in front of their friends.  I have actually seen children as young as five years old be told by their parents that there is no Santa.  I managed to put doubt in some children’s minds by playing Santa without their knowledge.

Children and adults both need to have hope in their lives, after all sometimes hope is the only thing left that we can hang on to.  As long as we have hope we are likely to hang on longer on the chance that what we desire is out of view but within grasp.  I was lucky growing up, I never had a bad Christmas.  Just one time I almost did but I hung on to hope and at approximately 9:30 Christmas Eve (I was already in bed and asleep) Santa came through for me.  In this instance Santa was my uncle Ramon (Spanish spelling).  Read the post: posted June 26, 2013 “Unexpected Best Christmas,” http://www.being50.com/2013/06/unexpected-best-christmas.html

With regard to gift giving, the ideal would be that you could give quality time (of your own time) to your children, and family, plus some gifts whether purchased by you or provided by Santa (wink, wink).  If you don’t have the resources do as some of our relatives did during tough times, and create gifts with your own hands.  Nothing says I love you like something made from your own efforts, and skills.  I know that I could make my children happy by buying a small ball and playing catch with them.  I have previously said that I’ve always worked hard, and admit that I’ve always considered myself blessed beyond what I might deserve.  Having said that my children always have enjoyed my time in combination with whatever toys Santa brought them.

 

For many years Christmas day’s most popular gifts were small plastic guns that would shoot styro foam projectiles with suction cups for a tip.  After opening all the gifts we would spend hours playing war between two teams (the benefit of having a large family).  Amongst the rules was no aiming above the shoulders, we would turn off all the lights and each team leader had a flash light, and definitely no hiding behind mommy or grandma.  The tradition could make a re-appearance with the grandchildren, if I can get theirs mommy’s permissions.  The fun factor was that daddy was playing GI Joe right alongside of them.

I realize that raising kids today is so much tougher thanks to television and the internet.  Kids are so exposed to the outside world and their expectations are many times beyond that of my children growing up.  I wish all of my readers the best, and a healthy and happy holiday season.  The best is yet to come….

About Falling In Love

About Falling In Love

·       Real love is not based on romance, candle light dinner and walks along the beach. In fact, is based on respect, compromise, care and trust.

·       Love does not need a reason. Pure love will come from the heart without reason and it’ll stay every season.

·       Love is not who you can see yourself with. It is who you can’t see yourself without.

·       It’s so easy to fall in love but hard to find someone who will catch you.

·       Love is a language spoken by everyone but understood only by heart.

·       Everybody knows how to love but few people know how to stay in love with one person forever.

·       It takes a strong heart to LOVE but it takes an even stronger heart to LOVE after its been BROKEN.

·       I love it when I see old couples in love because it makes me believe that TRUE LOVE does exist.

·       Once you care about a person, it’s impossible to be logical about them anymore.

 

You would know if you have ever been in love or truly loved someone.  That’s where the old saying about floating on “Cloud 9” comes from.  I can tell you from first-hand experience on at least two handfuls of times when I have fallen in deep love.  Stop smirking and hear the rest of the post.  When I fell in love with my beautiful wife I coasted a couple of days before I realized what had happened.  Two weeks earlier I had enjoyed lunch with my dear mother, and she had asked me to please settle down with some nice person that could share my life with me.  I remember my response distinctly.  I said that I had only been divorced for 3 years and at least another 15 years would pass before I would make such a commitment.

 

Two weeks after I met my wife and very close to one month since I had enjoyed lunch and uttered my proclamation of bachelorhood to my mother, we dropped by to introduce my mother to her new daughter in-law.  All our children grown up with families of their own, and many years later, I am willing to bet that our marriage is going to work out (just joking; I’m pretty sure she plans to keep me).

 

When I fell in love with my wife, I started working harder, whenever I could concentrate, mostly to make the time go by faster.  Eating became a secondary, and a far removed thought.  I didn’t know if she felt the same way about me, but I knew that I preferred to live with her than without her.  By the way, I have always felt that way and I still do.  Life has been a real blessing for us, and now we have the grandchildren to keep us young.  The first two weeks of knowing my wife were a blur, in that I don’t really remember how things developed.  I worked at one college as a counselor, and she was enrolled at a different college about 50 miles away.  We probably saw each other a total of five times from meeting to getting married.

 

As far as the other couple of handfuls that I fell deeply in love; I can only say that I would have to use two handfuls to count all my children and grandchildren’s births, and at every one of those events I was on cloud nine, and lost my appetite for a few days.  I can’t adequately describe it to you, you have to experience it.  The best is yet to come….