Life Goes On

You can say 'Life goes on' after mentioning something very sad to indicate that, although people are very upset or affected by it, they have to carry on living normally. ~ Collins Dictionary

The realization that someday we will leave this life and life will go on.  As important of a role that we play within our intricate lives, hopefully all our loved ones will find a way to continue to move forward.

This year has been the worst in my life for loss of loved ones.  Losing just one loved one in any one year is bad enough, but the year is barely at the half way mark and I’ve already had 3 losses that I am aware of.

I was told and do subscribe to the idea that, the older we get the more friends and relatives we will lose because everyone is getting older.  This year losses, however, have nothing to do with aging.  I am grateful that those that are directly under my oversight (wife, children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren are safe and healthy).

I don’t like to write about my most personal gains and losses in life, but I feel that this post will help to move on from this very life shattering event.

My family is made up of seven brothers and sisters, life normally dictates that the oldest in the pecking order should go first (expire – die).  Just before the end of June our family lost our youngest member.  My little brother was only 45 and if I had to pick the one member that was most popular and loved, of all seven he would be the one.  He would literally take the shirt off his back to give to someone in need.

The last time that he and I hung out was the year before.  We normally didn’t move in the same social circles because of our age difference.  I do know, and he told me every time he had a chance, that he loved me extra because of all the male children I looked the most like our father.

I am being selfish and writing this post strictly for my own ability to move on.  I just returned from a five day stay in southern California where we attended services and celebrated his too short life.  Because my little brother was such a life of the party in life, His Celebration of Life was very upbeat.  Over 250 people attended his loving goodbye. 

Since we believe that we will see each other again we all have reason to move forward.  So, in fact “Life Goes On,” and because of that, the best is yet to come…….

Lessons Learned

Lessons Learned

10 Shocking Statistics About Elderly Falls

·        When an elderly person falls, their hospital stays are almost twice longer than those of     elderly patients who are admitted for any other reason.

·        The risk of falling increases with age and is greater for women than men.

·        Annually, falls are reported by one-third of all people over the age of 65.

·        Two-thirds of those who fall will do so again within six months.

·        Falls are the leading cause of death from injury among people 65 and older.

·        Approximately 9,500 deaths in older Americans are associated with falls each year.

·        More than half of all fatal falls involve people 75 or over.

·        Among people aged 65 to 69, one out of every 200 falls results in a hip fracture. That number increases to one out of every 10 for those aged 85 and older.

·        One-fourth of seniors who fracture a hip from a fall will die within six months of the injury.

·        The most profound effect of falling is the loss of functioning associated with independent living.  ~ by Shell Point Retirement Community

CAUTION!  Don’t try this at home.  At some point, we all reach and cross the line where we are old enough to know better.  That line can be reached through personal experience, common sense, or by someone else’s example.  However, you do reach it, we all must reach it.  I love learning from other’s mistakes because it saves me a lot of pain and suffering.  Not to mention that it makes me look mature and smart.

As I get older, I’ve noticed that every so often I catch myself pushing the envelope.  I am not sure that I am trying to prove that “I still got it,” or perhaps trying to save time.  Since I am retired, I can’t blame my corner cutting on time constraint. 

Just a short list:  I have survived the following unhurt, almost got electrocuted running electrical wire for an addition to our home; survived a rear collision on a vehicle wreck where my car was standing still and the other driver was traveling at approximately 50 mph (should have killed me but it only resulted in a broken back) (I know, I make it sound like a piece of cake).  I almost drowned while swimming with friends in a river at age 11 (I actually went under for the count); I was painting the trim on the exterior of my house while standing on the very top rung of an 8-foot ladder (a wind gust came up and I almost lost my balance), I quickly came to my senses and I called a professional to finish the job.

They say the road to hell is paved with good intentions.  Well, my wife and I have spent perhaps thousands of dollars over the years in an effort to stay healthy through exercise (gym memberships).  My most recent effort is to transform our large garage into a gym.  We purchased 5 professional workout pieces of equipment, and a hot sauna to complete the ideal workout place.  And now the rest of the story:  No work out place is complete without a descent size screen television to take your mind away from the pain and suffering of a healthy workout.  I was trying to place the tv on top of the sauna but it was about a half inch too big to fit. From on top of the ladder about 4 feet high, I was holding the tv and tried to place it on top a shelf about 30 inches away.  Bottom line is I lost my balance and went backwards from the ladder while still holding the television.  I protected the investment on the tv set keeping it at arm’s length as I went down backwards.  Fortunately, on the way down my elbow knocked over a stack of walk-in carpets that miraculously landed under me and cushioned my fall.

All’s well that ends well, but once again, someone was looking out after me, and I came out unhurt.  I surveyed the area where I landed it, and still don’t know how those carpets ended up under me.  I came within inches of hitting my head on at least three very sharp corners, any of which could have killed me.

I beg you to be very careful in your own personal lives.  If you believe that you can’t afford to have a professional handle your project, ask yourself if you can afford time in the hospital and the medical bills or worst.  I hereby promise to draw on my experience, and the mistakes of others to keep myself safe for my family and friends.  The best is yet to come……..

An Eye for Beauty

Miss Gracie

David Hume's Essays, Moral and Political, 1742, include:

·        "Beauty in things exists merely in the mind which contemplates them.

·        "The person who is widely credited with coining the saying in its current form is Margaret Wolfe Hungerford (née Hamilton), who wrote many books, often under the pseudonym of 'The Duchess'. In Molly Bawn, 1878, there's the line "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder", which is the earliest citation that I can find in print.

I could say guilty as charged.  There are many things in my life for which I fell in love at first sight as example my beautiful wife, each one of my children when they were born, followed by my grandchildren.  I’m sure you are beginning to get the picture. 

Until recently, I have not had to pay the price for my indulgence.  To be sure the saying “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder,” applies to objects as well as individuals, and almost anything of beauty, such as, a clear sky, or a moonlit night.

Three years ago (June 2014) I was having what I consider and average day, and as such I drove my favorite four-legged partner to the groomer.  The day was progressing in such a way that it was not likely to stand out as a special day in a week down the road, let alone for the rest of my life.

When it came time to pick up Theo (toy poodle) from the groomer, I walked in and the first thing I saw was this beautiful little snowball of a puppy.  I remembered asking the groomer, who is this beautiful creation you are working on.  She mentioned that the puppy was a Bichon (breed) being groomed to make her more adoptable by the Animal Shelter.

Without even calling my wife for approval, I said, tell me who the point of contact is for the adoption.  After all the paperwork was properly processed “Gracie” arrived at her new home.  Gracie’s name is derived from my youngest granddaughter’s middle name (Grace) the intended recipient.

The rest of the story is where regrettably, I pay the consequence for falling in love with Gracie the first time I saw her.  Within a year and half, she lost the sight on her right eye (something internally caused it). Even beyond that devastating occurrence she acted normal and continued to be playful and loving.  We spared no expense and took her to the Veterinary and was referred to a dog Ophthalmologist.  I personally declared myself Gracie’s Service Person.

A year later Gracie’s vision on her good eye began to fade and within two months totally failed.  After many more tests including brain scan it was determined that she had one or more brain tumors that would not end well.  My little Gracie eventually passed away (May 23, 2017), from her many illnesses that included diabetes. 

Occasionally, I still shed a tear for the little girl that so affected my life in just a too short span of 3 years.  We all know that life isn’t fair but what did that little beautiful loving dog ever do to deserve her painful short life.  I’ve said it before, “if doggies don’t go to heaven, I want to go where they go.”  It has taken me almost two full months before I could get myself to write about Miss Gracie.  I am only writing about Gracie to place her solidly in my recorded writings.  I can only hope, the best is yet to come…….

Wake Up Call

Frequent and timely health checkups

·       Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift of God, which is why we call it the present.” ~ Bill Keane

How often do we hear this quote and for most of us, it goes in one ear and out the other (at least I know it used to for me)?

As our families mature (our children) the family extends because of the friendships that they develop and eventually the marriages that follow.  With the extended families come a whole complete set of new family ties.  This includes: an equal partner, in-laws (spouse’s parents, siblings, grandparents, nieces, nephews), including extended friendships.  In essence a total and complete new social unit (nuclear family).

Up until recently, I thought of myself as slightly removed from that extended unit, simply because I felt like it would affect my child who marries into that family, and not me directly.  However, if you truly love your child (which I know that I do without a doubt), anything that affects him or her (especially emotionally) affects us, his or her parents.

As usual I won’t mention any names or get into too much detail to maintain a level of privacy.  At the end of last year, just before the Christmas Holidays, a mother in-law to one of my children fell and hurt herself, she was not known for frequenting doctors’ offices or clinics with aches and pains.  She loved her church and had a great big faith in prayer, which she heavily relied on for her ailments.

After a few days of lying in bed for he bad back pain, one of her children practically forced her to go to the emergency room to be checked out.  Approximately 9 days later she passed away from advanced (terminal cancer). I am still in shock that life can be that way.

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: there are two professionals that we must communicate with, probably the most important is your physician.  The other professional deals with finances (feds).

I implore you, that if you have any personal pains that persist or that you can’t explain, please have it checked.  If you have an elderly loved one or friend that has a condition that hasn’t been checked out, please convince them to go to the doctor.  If you can’t influence them to do it, talk to other family members and gang up on them to take action.

We all deserve every day that we can extend our life with our loved ones.  Because I have had this wake up call, I feel that the best is yet to come………….. 

Caught in the Middle

Caught in the Middle

I’ve served my time at getting caught between, being there for my gracefully aging parents while meeting the demands of my own children growing up.  Well, it has now been more than a dozen years since my parents went to be with the lord.  I’ve enjoyed the relief that comes with knowing that that they are free of their aches and pains and in a better place all together.

Now enough time has gone by and it pains me to see my children begin to struggle with the realities of aging in-laws.  Our children are fortunate that their parents (us/we) are healthy and enjoying life to the fullest with minimal discomfort.  As with most people when young couples meet and marry they have no way of foreseeing what awaits at the end of the line.

One rule of thumb that I strongly believe in and promote is:  get to know the family before you get married, especially the older family members (particularly) the parents, because what you see is what you get.  Many times children have a way of mirroring their parents.  There are many exceptions to be sure, many children turn out great despite their parents and upbringing.  Can’t move on without mentioning that some relationships will be great, just because the people involved are so special to each other.

This writing comes to be because I am seeing one of my children struggle with the emotions of dealing with an in-law that is struggling with serious (possibly terminal) health issues.  I wish I could be more helpful, but every situation is different and I am not close enough to the developing situation to know what to say.  I do offer my support and understanding as much as I am allowed without intruding.

I am willing to bet that I am not the only one and that this situation is not unique.  This scenario must play out time and again all over the world.  It just hurts to witness it affecting people that I love.

Life is not discriminating when it comes to love and suffering, sooner or later we all come to that intersection of life.  The best is yet to come……

Tear-Jerker

Tear-Jerker

Everyone knows that some of the best tearjerker movies are also known as “Chick Flicks,” a great example that I can think of is “Love Story.”

This morning I woke up to some of the best company possible, my three youngest granddaughters and newest addition to the family (two-year-old grandson) spent the night in order to give their parents a well-deserved break.  My grandson is so energetic and bordering on over-active that he woke up a couple times during the night ready to start his day.  Grandma managed to get him back to sleep, after all 2:30 and 3:30 in the morning is a bit early even for grandpa and grandma.

Finally, at around five am we gave in and walked him to the family room to watch his latest favorite movie “Toy Story 3.” 

• With their beloved Andy preparing to leave for college, Woody (Tom Hanks), Buzz Lightyear (Tim Allen), Jessie (Joan Cusack), and the rest of the toys find themselves headed for the attic but mistakenly wind up on the curb with the trash.

While not a recent release in general, it is to my grandson.  He totally loves it. The idea was to have the movie playing in the background so that he might fall asleep for a couple more hours, after all it is Sunday morning.

Well, the plan backfired.  We have had that movie around since it was first released in 2010, but I’ve never taken the time to view it.  My grandson got energized by it and all the action that makes up the storyline.  I slowly got into the plot and it got me into comparing my growing up years, and even wondering where all my toys and comic books might have ended up.

I got into the movie so much that I actually might have shed a tear or two towards the end.  To be clear, there were no witnesses, so I am not owning up to it.  The question is something like: if a tear falls and no one sees it, did it actually happen?

Since my grandchildren are the center of my Universe, I’ve decided that I will spend some more time enjoying some of their movie entertainment (besides Star Wars and the like).  The quality entertainment available to our little ones is unbelievable, and definitely enjoyable. 

I would encourage anyone that isn’t already sharing their children’s and grandchildren’s entertainment to test it out, you just might get hooked.  The best is yet to come…….

Reality Check

Reality Check

I woke up Christmas Eve 2016 at 4:40am with the thought that I needed to reexamine my life and determine that I had been true in most instances to family tradition.  I almost immediately found at least three occasions where I had strayed from tradition not because I was rebelling but because society changes and so must we as individuals if we want to excel (improve past family performances).  I imagine that if I spent more time analyzing my life I would find that in many instances, I at least tweaked family traditions to allow for the changing times.

One major tradition that I changed, and the jury is still out on whether, it is right or wrong (for the benefit of family improvement), was to concentrate on my children’s chances for success, by making their first language English.  To understand my point of view, you have to know that I come from long line of proud Mexican Culture.

The way that I was raised, I would speak English in school, and was punished (corporal – smacked with a yardstick) by the nuns, if I was caught speaking in Spanish.  Yet, when I got home all I spoke was Spanish.  I could expect no assistance at home with my school homework, the lesson there is that I became self-reliant.  I performed very well despite the internal battle with two languages at the same time.  To this day, if I have a tough problem to compute, I think in Spanish and the answer comes out in English.

I decided to improve my children’s lives by not burdening them with the two languages at the same time. They grew up very successful, but I have forever been criticized if not chastised for not teaching them their cultural language when young.  Of all my children only one speaks Spanish as well as I do or better, and the others get along just fine.  They picked up Spanish in the educational system.

Another tradition that I broke away from was maintaining close ties with family and friends.  I am not talking about just close family and friends. That tradition I still do.  I’m talking about 2^nd, 3^rd. and even 4 times removed cousins, and friends that were met at work on the first job I ever had 30 or 40 years ago.  My mother and step-father traveled back to Texas from Washington State once a year to visit family, and even crossed into Mexico to visit family and friends.  I don’t mean dropped by on the way through, they actually stayed at their homes for two or three days at a time.  Even when I visit sisters and brothers out of State I insist in staying at a hotel and renting a car for my own transportation.  After all I am the one on vacation not them, they still have their daily routines to perform.

My wife and I decided to concentrate on starting our own traditions (more normal), major holidays, like Thanksgiving, Christmas, and others centered more around the grandchildren are based at the good ole home where everyone was raised (we still have the wall with all the markings and dates of progressive height of the family members, even grandchildren now).  Traditions for us are about maintaining close family ties, and includes close friends.  Our children have already started some of their own traditions like visiting with their in-laws on the holidays after our get together or before.

We enjoy seeing someone that we haven’t seen in 15 or 20 years, but life is so much busier for us than it was when our parents were young, as an example my step-father’s job was as a head-foreman on a 10,000-acre farm, and because we lived in the Northwest he normally had about a two-month flexible time where he could wander around the country visiting family and friends (which he loved to do).

There are other traditions that we tweaked to accommodate the changing times but for the most part we try to toe the line.  The best is yet to come……

Life and Building Bridges

Life and Building Bridges

I consider myself a very optimistic person, however, I would debate with anyone that our state of society is at its best ever.  You would almost have to be in my age group in order to look at society in our life span and compare apples to apples.

For starters, survival skills are one thing and survival instincts are yet another and not to be confused with one and the other.

Survival skills:  The ability to hunt for food, grow your own food, fix your own car, start a fire without matches (or lighters), how to navigate without a compass or GPS, build a raft, make your own home repairs, etc., etc.

Survival instincts:  the ability to read people, to anticipate a confrontation and how to avoid it or deescalate it, knowing when to take action or when to compromise, assessing the unseen dangers (example: undercurrent in a stream or river, making split second decisions, etc., etc.

Many of the skill that we developed in the 1950’s, 60’s and 70’s was the difference between success and failure, but today our society for the most part consider those to be the skills of dinosaurs (unimportant or at the very least antiquated), and unnecessary. 

Today’s younger generations are so dependent on technology that if a power outage takes place they are dead in the water.  Have you ever seen a young retail clerk struggle to make change for a dollar when their cash register fails?  We are so dependent on GPS that if you go into an area of limited or no cellphone signal a young person can’t find their way around because even if they had a street map they wouldn’t be able to read it.

How about the wonderful communication skills (writing or reading) of our youth due to their prevalent use of texting?  The youth are not the only ones to blame, the educational systems in some States are dropping the required cursive writing, because it is no longer needed or relevant.  The unskilled educated can’t grasp the big picture:  Who is going to translate or decipher our historical records (documents) in the future.  Cursive writing may as well be a foreign language to any one that is proficient in, WTF, LOL, LMAO, etc., etc.

My children and grandchildren are still being raised the way I was raised.  I insist in teaching them the old survival instincts, and skills, and even more important, I am teaching them to be competitive.  In other words, there are winners and there are losers, we all need to strive to prevail (win).  Nothing wrong with 2^nd place but 1^st place is the objective.

When my children use to complain to my wife that life wasn’t fair, their mother’s gentle response was “build a bridge and get over it.”  If you didn’t get that saying, it's ok, it took my children a few times to get the real meaning also.  My grandchildren don’t only get it, but I hear them saying it amongst themselves now and they are still young.  The best is yet to come…….

Losing Its Luster

Losing Its Luster

Luster

Noun                                                                    A position of exalted widely recognized importance:    distinction, eminence, eminency, fame, glory, illustriousness, mark, notability, note, preeminence, prestige, prominence, prominency, renown.

Luster is one word that I could think of to describe the level of importance to certain holidays growing up.  Consider that the holidays have remained pretty much unchanged, but in our eyes and mind (which have matured) the holidays are losing their luster.

I totally love all holidays, but number one and number two have to be Christmas and Thanksgiving.  Occupying third place would have to be Memorial Day.  Memorial Day has different relevance to a multitude of people for different reasons:  1) a day designated for remembrance of loved ones that have gone ahead of us, 2) a day to celebrate and recognize and honor our military heroes that made the ultimate sacrifice, 3) of great importance to young people in high school and college; the signal to the beginning of Summer and start of school vacation.  Secondary but also important are the wonderful family and friend get togethers for BBQ’s, and just plain ole catching up.

I still remember being young and looking forward to bed time on Christmas eve, because I knew that by Christmas morning Santa would have come by and left me some presents.  My parents always managed to surprise me and exceed my expectations. 

I can only think of one Christmas when it almost ended up being a total disaster, but instead turned out to be the most memorable Christmas ever.  Check out the post:  Unexpected Best Christmas, http://www.being50.com/2013/06/unexpected-best-christmas.html

I wish I could tell you at what age I stopped believing in Santa Claus, but I honestly don’t remember.  I do know that I had my suspicions about whether he was real or not for a few years, but I didn’t dare not believe, just in case.  After that holiday lost its luster for me, it wasn’t until, I was a married young adult with children before I started to enjoy seeing the same look of amazement in the little faces of my children.

Now, once again the clock keeps ticking, and my babies are now adults with children of their own.  In recent years that same look of amazement can now be seen in the little faces of my grandchildren.  The luster of the holiday is never lost it just gets passed on from generation to generation.  It’s up to people like you and me, to continue to encourage it and keep it alive.  You could even say that as grandparents we would do well to look at Christmas through the eyes of our grandchildren and great grandchildren.  The best is yet to come……..

Many Years Ago

Many Years Ago

Many, many, many years ago in what now seems like a Galaxy far, far away, exactly on this date I married the most beautiful young lady after only knowing her for two weeks.  If love at first sight ever applied this was the perfect proof of it.  Better yet, after all these years, four beautiful children and presently four gorgeous grandchildren I love her even more today than yesterday.

I’ve said in many previous posts that I am blessed beyond what any one person deserves, and she is the foundation of all my blessings.

One of the best things that I can wish on anyone is to live in a relationship like ours.  Our life hasn’t been without it’s peaks and valleys, but our relationship has always been powerfully strong and healthy.  I’ve always known that someone had my back and that someone was my sweetheart.

I can best tell her of my love for her by sharing with anyone that will take the time to read or listen of my love and devotion for her.  I wish you all love and good fortune!  The best is yet to come………

Life of Leisure

Life of Leisure

This morning while driving the first of my two granddaughters to school (which I do strictly of my own volition).  We engaged in conversation as we always do, except that this time it took a very different direction.  Our typical conversation is about the weather, upcoming events at her school or in the family.  This morning she started off by saying that she really didn’t feel like going to school.  My response was that there are many things, I would rather not do.  Some of those “things” have some flexibility where I can decide to do or not to do, and some that I have a commitment to and must do.

Of the two granddaughters that I drive to school, one is 10 years old and the other is 6.  The granddaughter that sparked the conversation and this Blog post is the 10-year-old.  Her response to me was (innocently), “you are so lucky that you can just go home and do nothing or only what you want to do.”  Before I continue, I want to make sure that we all have the same definition of Leisure.

Leisure

Noun

1. freedom from the demands of work or duty: She looked forward to retirement and a life of leisure.
2. time free from the demands of work or duty, when one can rest, enjoy hobbies or sports, etc.:
3. Most evenings he had the leisure in which to follow his interests.
4. unhurried ease: a work written with leisure and grace.

I retired early with a comfortable pension to avoid unnecessary work stress, and hopefully maintain a life of leisure and in great health (so far so good on only one of those two goals, health).  The leisure part I have yet to realize.

It was so much easier to schedule a day or even half day away from work to play golf or go fishing, than it is to take time away from my granddaughters and grandson.  I am not complaining and the difficulty in getting away is my sense of responsibility to them (the children) not to their parents.

I presently take my two granddaughters to school in two different but adjoining cities (thankfully different start times to accommodate the travel time).  I also pick them up at end of school day.

The last time that I took a vacation out of State by myself the grandkids cried and missed me so much that I couldn’t really enjoy my time away.  I felt a deep guilt as if I had abandoned them.  Fortunately, this year’s vacation is all about them and will include a stop to visit the happiest place in the world (Disney).

I explained to my 10-year-old granddaughter that I officially started working at age 12 (I was raised on the farm) following the end of the school year.  Keep in mind that the first six or so years where Summer jobs.  Nonetheless I logged a total of 50 years in the work force.  My explanation was meant to justify what she perceived as being my life of leisure.  The best is yet to come………

A Family Record

A Family Record

• A growing number of people have decided to write a life story, autobiography, memoir or personal history. And more are thinking about it. But writing my life story was not a decision I arrived at overnight. Most of us don’t suddenly have an epiphany that our stories must be told. However, once you conclude it is important to preserve your story you are faced with a host of questions, such as how to get started, what the finished product will be, how much will it cost and who will do the work. ~ Tom Gilbert

One of my sons gave me an Apple iPad five years ago but not without a condition.  I was supposed to use it to write my life story.  My excuse had been that I didn’t spend enough time near a computer and I didn’t like working on a laptop (for whatever reason I hate the keyboard on a laptop).  My son explained and proved to me that my laptop keyboard is regulation size, comparable to my desktop keyboard.  However once my mind is made up I won’t be swayed.

Surprisingly enough, the iPad became an extension of my body, and I would write everywhere and anywhere, especially at bedtime for two to three hours.  I’ve written enough material for two books, and I hear that, it could be a good thing. 

My wife has pretty much convinced me to write two or three smaller books instead of one large one that even family members would be intimidated by.  Some family members have been given the opportunity to read a chapter here and there.  Even those closest to me are amazed at the depth of my life history and the history of my parents and grandparents.  I’ve had some of my own children say that they didn’t know as much about me and the family as they thought they knew.

Writing a book (biography) is very important for family value and sake.  Your life history as told from the first person perspective is something that no one else will be able to do once we (you become feeble - incapacitated).  You may think you don’t have the writing skills, but there are many people like me that would help you, and others that do it for money.

Your book doesn’t have to be a best seller quality.  To your family it could be as valuable as any legacy you can leave.  Even if your book ended up being more like a journal or short story.  Imagine a great grandchild getting his or her hands on your works many, many years down the road.  With today’s internet, you can even self-publish if you felt that a publishing company wouldn’t be interested in your project.  Keep in mind that you only need enough copies for your family, unless you feel that your book might have a wider reaching public interest. The best is yet to come……