Our Place in Life

Our Place in Life

Is your life one that requires you to travel out of town for work?  I spent 27 plus years doing that exact same thing in my career.  Week after week I would pack my bags for travel that lasted most of the week.  While I missed my family, I had the comfort of knowing that I was doing it for them.  My children were ok with it because mom was always home at the end of the day.

I bring the subject up because as I write this post, I am in the middle of a mini 4 day trip to Southern California.  There is no guilt trip leaving home as required for work, but leaving home for time off to visit family, comes with a ton of guilt.  I've never ever had the feeling that I had to get away from home, because there is nothing better than a fun and happy home.  My biggest joy in life has become spending time with my three granddaughters (three, four and seven years old).  On the other hand I haven't visited with my siblings in near 3 years, and as you all know time waits for no one.  My nephews and nieces, are growing, and growing so very fast.  One of my nieces just turned 30 years old this weekend (she was 27 years old the last time I saw her).  One of my brothers just got married this last weekend, and I missed it all together.  I'm not looking for justification to nullify the guilt feelings, of being away from home, but bottom line there is value on all the options and reasons.

There is a couple or three things that weigh in today that weren't a factor ever in the past.  My three granddaughters, enjoy spending time with their grandfather (me), I've been known to color on coloring books, watch the Disney Channel, Calliou, Lazy Town, play at putting puzzles together with the three year old, sing songs like Old McDonald Had a Farm, and Itsy bitsy Spider, all these from sun up to sun down, without a break.  My granddaughters have been known to pass up a chance to go to Chuck E. Cheese, to stay at grandpa's house instead, etc., etc.  Well the day I left on my four day trip, my seven year old granddaughter cried because she missed her grandfather.  My four year old granddaughter was quoted as saying, "I'm going to miss my grandfather when he goes away, I miss him already and he hasn't left yet!"

I always try to find the silver lining in every negative in life, and I couldn't help but draw a parallel between being away temporarily in an avoidable trip, and the real and forced departure, of leaving this life.  I've always had a cavalier attitude about death and dying.  By that I mean:  when my time comes, I am ready and prepared to go, no regrets.  That is until this lesson came up.  I knew that my wife and children would miss me, and so would my brothers, and sisters, but I had always hoped that they would celebrate my life instead of mourning my passing.  I come to the realization that my brothers and sisters have a bigger stake in my life than I realized.  I am the oldest of my father's children, and by unanimous vote also the one that looks most like my father and is most like him in every expect including mannerism, voice, and attitude.  My siblings and their children loved my father so much that since he passed away (10 plus years ago), all of their love and focus has been redirected at me.  A very high and possibly unearned honor, but certainly an honor that I will work hard to be worthy of.

I underestimated, how much understanding and love my little granddaughters have for me.  It makes me sad to think that I would leave a void in my little girls precious lives.  I am planning on not going away with short notices on planned trips and I plan to work even harder, at staying healthy, and not taking any chances that might endanger my life.  I also know how much my wife loves me and what I mean to her.  I'm making this commitment equally for my wife and children, and all my loved ones.  I knew I was loved and well thought of, but i don't believe that I understood my place in the family.  The best is yet to come…..