Secret Sauce

 

Man's Life Stages

Making the most of life is always important but never as important as when you near your Golden Years.  I refer to this post as Man's Life Stages only because it's being shared by me and obviously a man's perspective.  Having said that, all I share will also apply to a person of the opposite gender.  

Three Measures

For the purpose of this post, I will use three measures on every Stage of Life, and they are: Time, Money, and Energy.

• First Stage - Youth: Many young men during their high school years and some even into college have plenty of time and energy but minimal money.  

1. Without a doubt, most often by choice or circumstance.  Their values and priorities have yet to be developed.  I on the other hand had my very first successful business at the age of 10.  Some might say I was lucky, however, Luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity.  
2. I'm sure that multitasking has been around for a long time, I can't remember a time when I didn't have at least 3 or 4 things going on at the same time.  I would even go as far as to say that the common problem is lacking motivation, and thus lacking money.

• Second Stage - Adult: Young adults by now for the most part have completed college or entered the work force, started a business and/or are working their way up the corporate ladder. Some maybe even have gotten married and are raising a family.  All of a sudden they find themselves (hopefully) with plenty of money, and energy (still young) but no time. 

1. It doesn't have to be as describes but I'll guess that a sampling would show approximately 90% as described.
2. This stage of life is a time when many relationships get stressed to the breaking point.  If you don't have a strategy and great partner to help you through it, you may run into some tough challenges.  Managing your limited time is crucial.  My wife and I had 4 children, and I was fortunate that she wanted to be a stay at home mom until all the children were attending school full time. In the meantime she was involved in our family business which didn't impose a stringent work schedule on her. 

• Third Stage - Old: If you worked smart and diligently had some good luck, and kept all the chainsaws you were juggling up in the air, you should find yourself with lots of time, ample money, but low on energy.

1. Hopefully you made your money for retirement and made some wise investment choices before you ran low on energy.  I've always said that in life I took some risks based on knowing that if I failed I had enough time to recover the losses.
2. However, at some point in my age progressions I started playing it safe.

And now for the Secret Sauce:  There is one element that can make all the difference in the world at every one of the 3 stages especially the third one.  I'm sure we have all heard someone say, "if only I had known I was going to live this long, I would have taken better care of myself."  We don't all have the blessings of good genes, or healthy habits plus a great life partner who keeps us on the straight and narrow to better life choices.

If you already missed the train to good health in your golden years, then you must share this and other similar articles with your children so they don't end up finding out at a later time in life.  As always, I make the claim that I am healthy, happy and blessed.  I still have enough energy to be working, even if I really don't have to (because I am retired).  I still enjoy long road trips in which I do all the driving by choice.  I have many interests and I stay mobile and involved.  Remember: If you don't get of the couch while you can, you won't be able to get off when you have to.  The best is yet to come.....

Life of Leisure

Life of Leisure

This morning while driving the first of my two granddaughters to school (which I do strictly of my own volition).  We engaged in conversation as we always do, except that this time it took a very different direction.  Our typical conversation is about the weather, upcoming events at her school or in the family.  This morning she started off by saying that she really didn’t feel like going to school.  My response was that there are many things, I would rather not do.  Some of those “things” have some flexibility where I can decide to do or not to do, and some that I have a commitment to and must do.

Of the two granddaughters that I drive to school, one is 10 years old and the other is 6.  The granddaughter that sparked the conversation and this Blog post is the 10-year-old.  Her response to me was (innocently), “you are so lucky that you can just go home and do nothing or only what you want to do.”  Before I continue, I want to make sure that we all have the same definition of Leisure.

Leisure

Noun

1. freedom from the demands of work or duty: She looked forward to retirement and a life of leisure.
2. time free from the demands of work or duty, when one can rest, enjoy hobbies or sports, etc.:
3. Most evenings he had the leisure in which to follow his interests.
4. unhurried ease: a work written with leisure and grace.

I retired early with a comfortable pension to avoid unnecessary work stress, and hopefully maintain a life of leisure and in great health (so far so good on only one of those two goals, health).  The leisure part I have yet to realize.

It was so much easier to schedule a day or even half day away from work to play golf or go fishing, than it is to take time away from my granddaughters and grandson.  I am not complaining and the difficulty in getting away is my sense of responsibility to them (the children) not to their parents.

I presently take my two granddaughters to school in two different but adjoining cities (thankfully different start times to accommodate the travel time).  I also pick them up at end of school day.

The last time that I took a vacation out of State by myself the grandkids cried and missed me so much that I couldn’t really enjoy my time away.  I felt a deep guilt as if I had abandoned them.  Fortunately, this year’s vacation is all about them and will include a stop to visit the happiest place in the world (Disney).

I explained to my 10-year-old granddaughter that I officially started working at age 12 (I was raised on the farm) following the end of the school year.  Keep in mind that the first six or so years where Summer jobs.  Nonetheless I logged a total of 50 years in the work force.  My explanation was meant to justify what she perceived as being my life of leisure.  The best is yet to come………

Ageing Challenges

Ageing Challenges

Facts:  We are not created equal.  Life isn’t fair.  If I’d known I was going to live this long, I would have taken better care of my body and mind. Arguably; it’s about quality of life.

The question remains compelling:

• What is wisdom, and how does it play out in individual lives? Most psychologists agree that if you define wisdom as maintaining positive well-being and kindness in the face of challenges, it is one of the most important qualities one can possess to age successfully~ By PHYLLIS KORKKI

For those of you not familiar with my blog; I am expressing my perspective as I have learned from experience.  My purpose for writing (first and foremost, I enjoy it) is to give my readers food for thought.  I don’t believe in making all the mistakes myself, if I can learn from other’s mistakes, I will gladly do it.  I am an expert on my own life and experience, don’t profess to know everything about anything, where others are concerned.

With the ever increasing numbers of participants in the social media, there are many people sharing advice with regard to age and health that most of us should take with a grain of salt.  Something as basic and simple as how to prepare the tastiest peanut butter and jelly sandwich, has the potential of making someone deathly ill, could even prove to be fatal.  Not everyone should eat peanuts or peanut derivatives.  For some obscure reason, I don’t recall ever hearing of such thing growing up, but today we know that allergies to peanuts are a fact.

I often see postings on Facebook by younger people that are not yet afflicted by old age, basically make fun of the elderly, and their age afflictions.  Here is where we are not created equal comes in.  We are all raised different some lacking a formal education make their living by using their bodies (backs and knees) with time the tear and wear on the joints and back will cause disabilities that a person making a living professionally (formally trained as an attorney, or medical professional) will not experience.  On the plus side those back breaking jobs are disappearing quickly as mechanical equipment takes over more and more menial jobs.

Laying pipe (for irrigation, natural gas, telephone or cable etc.) used to be labor intensive, at present most ditch diggers are being replaced by mechanical digging equipment.  Once upon a time a young man or woman just starting in life might get side tracked from a formal education because of the seeming easy money provided by labor intensive jobs.  Today’s labor market offers hamburger flipping jobs to the young, but it shouldn’t side track any one away from college or vocational training.

Choices made when young (back breaking work) affects you in later years when even leisure things like gardening or walking for exercise will be a challenge.  Taking medication for back and joint pain can eventually have worst side effects than the back problems (from serious prescription addiction to kidney problems for excessive use of some over the counter pain meds.).  Again decisions made when young will came back to haunt us later in life.

We are not all predisposed to Alzheimer’s disease, but many of us are, and by the time we find out we are well on our way to it.  I have a favorite saying:  Everything we say and do will come back to us, positive, negative or indifferent, but it will come back to us.  This is where, “if I’d known I was going to live this long, I would have taken better care of my mind and body,” comes in.  Such things as smoking, alcohol, drugs, not taking the time to prepare yourself for a career, not investing on your retirement, etc., etc. will get you in the end. I realize that as individuals we don’t always make a conscious choice, sometimes it’s a matter of playing the cards life has dealt us.

With regard to the social media posting, I try to be considerate, but once again consideration is in the eye of the beholder, I am sure that somewhere along the way, I have insulted or offended someone.  I promise to try even harder.  The best is yet to come…..

A Balanced Life

A Balanced Life

Life seems like it will last forever up until about the age of 30.  Very few of us have the wisdom this early in life to understand that like in the cartoon, where one character is out playing and criticizing those that are working diligently to prepare for a harsh winter, we too will get caught unprepared.  In life, the harsh winter is also known as the Golden Years (50 years of age and older).  Despite the myth not everyone is headed for a comfortable retirement.  Those that don’t make a special effort to prepare for later in life, will find out (way too late) that time runs out for preparing for a life of comfort and security.

Life ideally is a timeline that can be divided into conflicting priorities that must be met timely in order to achieve some sort of necessary balance.  As you have come to expect from me here comes the disclaimer:  This is my perspective and you are not asked to embrace it, after all “balance, and ideal outcomes,” are in the eye of the beholder.

Just to decide where the priorities start and fade is borderline problematic. At the time that we are going through the life stages we don’t see the importance of the moment.  Hopefully we start with the advantage of solid parenting and loving relationship.  These early years can make your life journey easier or harder.  Some parts of the country/world offer varying levels of educational opportunities, from non-existent to triple a premium (the parent’s income level is a major factor).  Besides the opportunities, we individually need to show enough interest to excel.  Few people get a redo opportunity (most of us get one shot at the brass ring if we are lucky).

Since I am writing a post and not a book I shall condense my thoughts and allow you to arrive at your own conclusions (not that you need my permission).  In my instance and with the benefit of hindsight, I am very fortunate to have made some good and some great decisions.  I did make some missteps that with time and extra effort I was able to almost fully recover from.  I will never know how some of my loved ones were affected by my missteps, but I hope and pray that like me, their lives will turn out great.  Already, I can tell that they are enjoying very (apparently) happy and productive lives.

Like many of us in the world I am the product of a very loving and caring but fractured family.  My parents separated when I was six years old and soon after divorced.  Unlike many who blame most everything on their parent’s divorce, I chose to analyze what I could do different.  Unfortunately it took me two tries to get it right.

Enough for background and now to look at what needs to be balanced.  Education is a tremendous foundation to build on.  The balancing act is more difficult but can still be achieved without the formal education (simply requires much more effort and an element of good fortune).  If children are to be part of life’s formula (crucial for me) than we must provide the best of everything that we can; shelter, nutrition, health care, education, learning activities, love and nurturing, not necessarily in that order.  The meaning of that statement is that our maximum effort needs to be exerted.

Social life outside the home should take a back seat, luxury items for the parents as well.  Dependable safe transportation versus luxury transportation in other words a Ford instead of a BMW (unless you are able to afford it without requiring sacrifice).  No eating out if you must sacrifice elsewhere.  Adequate house in the best neighborhood you can afford (safety).  Wife’s and children’s education is also crucial in the first part of life together.  All this wonderful priorities must be balanced while strengthening your relationship with your spouse or significant other.  

My wife and I offered (paid for) our children the first two years of college for the purpose of giving them a head start (incentive) in the right direction.  After the children leave the house, the next priority is to refocus on strengthening the all-important relationship between the parents, to diligently concentrate on spoiling each other (including, if within the budget and Audi or BMW). 

Ideally during the time of shifting priorities the retirement was also a priority that included a pension and social security while it’s still available.  With a lot of effort and a sprinkling of good fortune the sacrifices will pay off when you need it most.  I’ve always told my children, if you take care of yourselves, your mom and I will take care of each other.  The best is yet to come…..

Overdoing A Good Thing

Overdoing A Good Thing

The type of scorching temperatures that we are experiencing in June this year, remind me of a time years ago.  I was like a teenager (actually in my early 20’s then) I could play in the sun all day, party until 2 am and go to work by 6:30 the next morning.  I’ve never overdid the alcohol, so don’t imagine a guy showing up to work reeking of alcohol, and still stumbling.  My body and mind could handle the punishment that I was subjecting it to.

At the early stages of life most of us feel invincible and rightfully so, youth is a combination of many things, inexperience and vanity are only two of those many things.  By the age of 30 I felt that even retirement age was light years away, and I could take chances with my health, and finances.  What a difference five years and a good new friend can make.

My friend was 35 years older than me, and retired with 3 pensions.

What made me follow his advice was his level of achievement and success.  As a family man and father, he admitted to being a failure (married five times and divorced four).  He confessed that the only thing that kept him out of jail was that his mother would pay the child support money every month in his name.  He convinced me to concentrate my efforts on earning a steady and guaranteed pension (one that was difficult to borrow against). 

My attitude at the time was that there would be plenty of time to save for retirement in later years.  What I didn’t realize back then was that the money you saved in the early years would be good enough to buy a good used car in the future years.  Back in the 70’s who would have guessed that a used car by retirement would cost as much as 25 to 30 thousand and more.  For that matter who would have guessed that a mid-70’s Chevrolet would cost 60 thousand in 2015 (price of 2015 Impala SS).  The solution would be to start a retirement plan and keep adding to it year after year without regard to the slow but sure and compounded progress.

Up until now I had taken risks that delivered immediate gratification by way of monetary compensation.  During the early years of college I had developed a skill (trained radio announcer voice for Spanish Radio Broadcasting, and recording voiceover commercial work).  The work was so specialized that I had to join the AFTRA (American Federation of Television and Radio Artists) Union.  My voiceover commercials were being played in some U.S. Markets (Los Angeles, Florida, Texas, etc.) Mexico, Central America, and South America.  The money was totally out of this world for this small town farm boy, but the benefits and guarantees were not doing anything for my retirement age.

I was fortunate enough and mature enough to understand that I had to give up all those things that I enjoyed doing and take on the challenge of preparing for a time that most of us refuse to see as reality (retirement age).  I know of at least two friends who thought they could survive and thrive doing the things that they loved doing (radio and television work) and today they are looking forward to a retirement on social security.  Don’t get me wrong, many things that we grow to love doing, actually lead to a great retirement life.  The field (career) that I pursued became my very happy and loved choice (architecture and project management).  My second and final choice for a career didn’t have the ego building aspect that broadcasting comes with.  That’s where humility comes in.

This post kind of reminds me of the song The Gambler, by Kenny Rogers:  “You’ve got to know when to hold’em, know when to fold’em, know when to walk away, know when to run.”  I am forever grateful to the man up above and a good friend that showed me the way.  This very moment is an example of getting the strategy right: Do what you have to do, so that eventually you can be free, to do what you like to do.  The best is yet to come……

A Couple’s Day

Love, Trust. Appreciation, and Mutual Admiration

Imagine if you will what a normal day might be like in well-adjusted married couple’s life.  First allow me to set up some background.  We are not much different than any other couple, but how we live our partnership (married life) may well be as different as day and night from anyone else. 

As an example of love, trust and sharing, only one of us worked while the other raised the children (to middle school age).  This was a choice that included some unspoken sacrifices.  I can’t remember a time when we didn’t have our needs met (shelter, utilities, food, clothing, transportation, basic entertainment, etc.).  We even managed a getaway (budget) vacation.  While the kids were growing up we managed to treat them to a vacation in Southern California (Disney, Universal Studios, and Knott’s Berry Farm) every other year.  It wasn’t affordable, but we made it a priority because we the parents had been raised without vacations.  As a sacrifice we didn’t buy a new car as often as we might have liked.  As a couple we seldom ate out or went to a movie.  Besides the job, we operated a business that kept us busier than we wanted to be.  When we married and decided to raise a family we gave up “our life” attitude and exchanged it for the family’s life with emphasis on the children.  The children are all grown up, with children of their own.  They are all healthy and happy.

Back to the future, and a typical day.  The alarm goes off at 5:15 am.  We both start working by 7 am.  Breaks have to be purposely taken because the pace all day long is fast and furious (wouldn’t have it any other way).  My title is Grandpa, Activity Director numerous responsibilities fall under that title.  Since early retirement a few years back, I handle approximately 75 percent of the grandchildren’s oversight during the day.  Chauffeur, chef, nutritionist, wardrobe supervisor, Entertainment director, Summer school teacher, and Director of Purchasing (in charge of laundry and dish washing).  Whatever the children want, I’m the go to guy. 

Activity Center

With the time that’s left I operate the family business.  The family business pays handsomely, but the other job has a value of love and appreciation that couldn’t be matched with monetary compensation.  If I was forced to give up one of the things that I do, it wouldn’t be a contest at all.  I will assist with my grandchildren for as long as my participation adds value to their little lives.  My wife comes home from a fast paced corporate job, sometimes stressed most often not so much.  Her duties include over seeing personnel, policies, and budgets, and while she enjoys it, I know that she would trade with me in a minute.

She has done both jobs, the first, while raising our children, and now she is enjoying her career.  I have done the corporate gig most of my life, and now I do what she did only with the grandchildren.  I never for a minute thought she had the easier job back then, and now I know that to do it right requires many skills, and lots of patience.  Having shared the experiences gives us a better understanding and appreciation for each other.

Peace and quiet at last

I don’t mind being a kept man.  We both contribute on the financial front, but for now she is the designated bread winner, and I appreciate her and miss her during the day.  She often will text me during the day to tell me that I am the greatest grandpa in the world,  At the end of her day she will come home and invite me to go out for dinner, entertainment or just a drive.  She knows what a day is like at home with all those super energetic little granddaughters.

I’ve had numerous job offers to return to the workforce, but money won’t buy me away from my present position.  Besides, I’ve been as high as CEO of a corporation, how could they possibly top Grandpa, Activity Director?  The best is yet to come…………

Contemplating Retirement

Contemplating Retirement

The very first day I contemplated retirement was when I completed my very first day of work (my first full 12 hour day).  Farm work doesn’t punch a clock from 8 to 5.  Back when I started at 12 years of age and the time clock was solar (sun-up to sun-down).  We would get a 30 minute lunch break, not paid for, and no breaks before or after lunch.  The only breaks we got were of the forced type (forced by the call of nature).  I went home from work at the end of the day, I had driven a Ford Ferguson Tractor all day long, pulling a flatbed trailer while three college young men loaded bales of hay on it. After the trailer was filled to capacity plus I would drive them over to where the bales of hay were stacked for year round use.  The farm had so much cattle that all the hay was strictly for in house use.  Sometimes the rancher would even purchase additional hay to make it through the year.  I remember getting done at the end of the day and I was so tired, that I would often go to sleep without eating dinner.  Enough reminiscing about the good old days (and they truly were).

At some point I started loving work so much that I had difficulty stopping at the end of a day to go home.  Back in the day 100% effort was expected from everyone, but to add a 10% extra made you shine very bright and opportunities for advancement almost always followed.  Many of my friends complained that management required more than a 40 hour week.  They were right, but with my work ethic, once I reached mid-management level in the corporate world, the long hours coupled with appropriate wage was like a fine tuned V-8 engine hitting on all cylinders.

I didn’t realize it growing up but learning about life and the struggles that often come along for the ride, made my life much easier.  I learned how to work hard and stand out amongst my co-workers.  Thanks to lessons learned growing up, I’ve lived within my means or below all my life, never cared to keep up with the neighbors, and home has always been the basis of my comfort.

Many workers spend their lives dreaming about the retirement, but the reality does not always meet the fantasy. There are pros and cons to retirement, both in terms of finances and in terms of lifestyle. Understanding the possible negative consequences of calling it a career can help you make a better transition from the role of worker to the role of new retiree.  Keeping busy for the sake of sanity can be as important as adjusting to your new finances.

Time is a precious commodity, and one that retirees have in abundance. Without the responsibilities and stresses of a job, retirees are free to visit their children and grandchildren whenever they want. Retirees can also travel as much as their hearts desire or their budgets allow.  Making the right choices for you and your new lifestyle is where it’s at.  You may have to experiment until you get used to the idea that you no longer have to punch a clock,

I was lucky to retire early thanks to advice from my best friend, and I tried different things before settling to what feels good and fulfills me.  I’ll just say that my new lifestyle has a little bit of everything in it.  This post was prompted by the fact that my best friend’s wife just retired, and I got to thinking of how I was affected, and how I wish them the best in their new found freedom!  The best is yet to come…..

Life’s Best Stages

Life’s Best Stages

I am contemplating which time in my life is the one that has brought me the most satisfaction. Every time that I settle on a stage in life, I revisit other parts of the spectrum of my life, and manage to create competition.

The very early part of my life was great and is one that I would like to maintain forever.  Having had no exposure to what life had to offer, it would make sense not to want to grow out of that first stage.  My parents took care of my every need, including dressing me and tying my shoes.  All my meals were prepared and perfect.  I had no idea what my needs were, but they were all been met, by two people who devoted their entire existence to me.

Please note the disclaimer: “Having had no exposure to what life had to offer.”  Life is very addictive, if you notice on a toddler’s daily routine, it’s all about exploration and pushing limits every day of their little life.  Once they break into that stage of life you can’t get them back into being passive little babies.  So for the reasons explained above this first stage in life rates a Best.

As mentioned above, the growing up years through 12 years of age, is a time when our minds are like sponges, and we are so busy learning, that time flies right on by.  Hopefully you will enjoy stability at home and make it a pleasant experience.  My parents divorced, and I hated to see my mother work so hard.  Perhaps I would not rate this as a Best stage of life.  I must admit that during this time I learned a lot from my mother.  I learned responsibility, and while I might not have enjoyed it as much, it help shape the man I am today.

The wonderful teen years, how can I not give this a Best stage of life rating? I was invincible, I was becoming a man, I was a chick magnet, and I was learning to work, and the value of a dollar, I was working hard towards a future.  I was deciding what I wanted to be in the next stage of my life.  I learned discipline by participating in school sports.  The stage is very special as life goes.

I started the next stage of life getting married the first time around.  Real responsibility was established in this segment of my life both by raising a family continuing my education, establishing my direction in management with regard to the workforce, and deciding who I wanted to be when I grew up.  I learned some great lessons and I applied those lessons appropriately.  I learned that long term lasting returns don’t come from building on quicksand.  Taking the time to properly build the foundation, makes for lasting rewards.  It was in this stage of life that I met my soul mate that would be destined to ride into the sunset with me.  From this stage in life and beyond to-date, I rate it a five star stage.

I can follow up and describe the stages that follow, but you wouldn’t be able to differentiate the various levels of grey (not to be confused with the popular book 50 Shades of Grey).  As life progressed, it got sweeter.  I would like to be a teenager again, but only if I could retain all my knowledge.  Financial stability more often than not comes with personal maturity, I actually have both going for me right now.  I wouldn’t change anything in my life because I love where I am in life.  I can’t imagine that I would want any different outcome.  Maybe one thing:  The age of fifties should last for twenty years, instead of ten before entering into the 60’s.  No real reason other than I feel it has the potential of being the best stage in life.  The best is yet to come….

Doing Your Best

Los Angeles, California

When it comes to raising a family. No disrespect meant to Los Angeles or any other big city, but I was raised in a small town, and there is no comparison.  The Pacific Northwest has been home to me for most of my life.  I love everything about it.  From where I live, I am about one hour away from the Pacific Ocean, one hour away from snow skiing, less than an hour away from mountain hiking and climbing.  I am also less than an hour away from boating and fishing on lakes or deer hunting.  I’ve said it before, and I’ll stand by it, I live in paradise.

Pacific Northwest

I bring up the subject because I was raised by my mother, who divorced my father, and moved our abbreviated family to the Pacific Northwest.  My father on the other hand raised three of my sisters, and three brothers from his new marriage.  Once I had started raising my own family, I remember asking my father, how did you manage to raise such a good bunch of kid in the likes of Los Angeles?

His answer was typical of my father’s communication style.  Very low keyed and laid back, he answered that you work hard and effectively, to attain the best life style you can for your family.  You make your family home your priority (with regard to budget), and you move into the best neighborhood you can afford.  Then he went on to explain, that with the better neighborhoods come better schools, and improved community services (law enforcement, fire departments, even garbage service).  Once that priority is accomplished you concentrate in the actual upbringing of the children to include: leading by example, strict discipline (to include accountability), and a healthy dose of religion (especially prayer).

I asked him, what he meant by making you family home a priority, and he explained that some of his relatives, and close friends spent large portions of their home budget on automobiles, and other material luxuries, while sacrificing, and living in a less desirable neighborhood.  When you as the man of the house spend most of your day away at work, you need to make sure that your family is living and going to school in the safest place you can afford.

I don’t know what kind of a man I might have grown up to be, if my father had been involved in my early life.  I feel that what my mother did in raising me is difficult to improve on.  I do however, know that my father did a great job in raising my siblings, and I am very proud of his accomplishments.  When my father retired he moved away with his wife to a resort town, and a home that he had built (and paid for) specifically as part of his retirement plan.

He had already been away (some 10 to 15 years) from the town where he lived most of his life at the time of his passing.  Yet he was held in such high regard that the memorial services required that amplified speakers be placed outside the church for the overflow crowd of over 300 people.  I loved both my parents, and admired and respected them always.  The best is yet to come.

Life’s Stages

Life’s Stages

I suppose that the first stage where we really play a role is when we are new born, and we get to spend quality time with mother and father, we then progress into the school system (or private school).  That in fact is the beginning of getting away from the nest.  Up until that time our parents have had the most control and responsibility they will ever have over us.

As we enter the school system we begin to interact with our peers and persons of authority (other than our parents) over us.  Our next major landmark in life is the transition between high school graduation and going away to college (for many of us), others unfortunately simply start their work life.  I say unfortunately because they don’t get the opportunity to prepare for the long journey ahead of them.  As we move forward secondary education is becoming an option that is less and less affordable.  On top of that, the number of unemployed and underemployed college graduates is growing, due to the worsening economic conditions.

Next landmark in life is the period of time where lots of young adults begin to get engaged and married.  Some will take place before and others after college graduation, but either ways there will be a flurry of wedding receptions during this period.  It’s reasonable to expect that many invitations to baby showers will follow soon after (and thus the cycle of life starts over).  Ahead for the married couple depending of the chemistry of the partnership there could be a period stability (monotony for others), for many others there is the possibility of discord and even separation or divorce.

Usually during this challenging period it’s when we start getting seriously involved in our parents’ lives and special needs, for many of us we get directly involved in a way that alters our own living conditions.  Many of us perform this step simply grateful to be able to help out, those people that were there for us in their early lives.  For others that may be struggling, it may just turn into additional stress, in an already challenging life.  Stay aware that in a good marriage the challenge is a double whammy because it will eventually involve the parents on both side of the marriage.

At some time or another all my kids have offered to take care of us in our old age, and I always gave the same answer; if you take care of yourself, I will make sure that your mother and I are taken care of.  As medical science improves our ability to live longer, it will prolong the responsibility to our parents.  I lost both my parents in their early 80’s and I wish I still had them, I would gladly continue to be involved just to be able to visit with them as I used to.

The very next landmark in life is when we start attending retirement celebrations followed soon by making visits to the hospital to visit our friends undergoing some type of medical procedure, hopefully it will be many years later before we start attending funerals.

My wife and I are still at the stage where we are enjoying the “Empty Nest Party,” with the occasional visiting grandchild.  Friends have asked me if we are suffering from the Empty Nest Syndrome, and my answer is heck no, we are picking right up from where the courtship was interrupted by the child bearing and child raising years.  The best is yet to come…..

Bucket List Item #10

Huntington Beach California

#10.  I will vacation in at least two beach resorts in the States of Oregon, and California.

 

This post is an update to: Making A Bucket List (posted Monday, February 11, 2013 http://www.being50.com/2013/02/making-bucket-list.html).

Warning: if a person loves the sun, sand and ocean, and is weak of mind, stay away from the California beaches.  Not so much because of the beautiful people that hangout there, but for what Mother Nature has to offer.  The feeling that you get from being out on the open air, walking on the sand feeling the Pacific Ocean at your feet is therapeutic at the very least!  Your mind begins to think on its own, and the first thought is how nice would it be to do this very same thing I am doing, at will.

The reality is that what I have in my home state in my neighborhood, would probably cost at least 10 times as much in Huntington Beach or any other neighborhood of similar standard.  To live anywhere else within driving distance would soon become boring if not a complete nightmare.  The amount of fatal or near fatal accidents I saw on the way to the beach alone (without consideration the total  number I saw within the week), would be enough to convince you to stay indoors and lock the doors.  During the short time we were there, there were in the neighborhood of 8 or more earthquakes registered with a magnitude of 3.2 or less, within 30 miles of where we were staying.

The bottom lines is that the resorts and beaches are beautiful, but I still wouldn’t give up my Pacific Northwest life for them.  Many years ago in a different lifetime, I lived in Santa Cruz, and often thought I would someday retire to live in Santa Cruz.  That is until a strong earthquake caused severe damage to the city.  Young people in today’s economic conditions can’t afford to rebuild, a person of senior age would be in an equally financial and emotional shape to respond.

Surfer Girl, Beach Boys

Enough said about the negative.  The period of time spent in the area between Sunset Beach and Newport beach was like spending time in God’s little acre.  I swear I felt younger by at least 10 years, I had fun driving around in a 2012 Camaro SS, listening to the music (perhaps a little louder than usual).  Eating seafood where it should be eaten, within stone’s throw from the Pacific Ocean (at exorbitant prices I might add, an order of crab was $49.95).  I actually got to witness (not for the first time) the type of scenery that inspired the Beach Boys’ songs.  We actually saw people getting ready to play volleyball at Huntington Beach, surfing, roller blading, biking, swimming, strolling hand in hand, and just plain soaking in the sun rays.

I did promise myself that no other vacation to Southern California would be complete without a similar visit to the beach.  In love with the area, but still in control.

See other posting related to this trip: Guilty Pleasure (http://www.being50.com/2013/09/guilty-pleasure.html , Guilty Pleasure 2 (http://www.being50.com/2013/09/guilty-pleasures-2.html , Our Place in Life http://www.being50.com/2013/09/our-place-in-life.html ).  The best is yet to come…

 

Guilty Pleasure

Guilty Pleasure

 I am a self assured very confident individual.  I don't like second guessing my self.  To second guess myself means that I made a questionable decision.  I think things through the first time around.  I don't mind visiting the past but I don't attempt to wish things had been different.  My guilt this time around comes from having beautiful young granddaughters that miss my absence so much that they get sad when the subject of grandpa comes up.  My wife says that whenever the youngest granddaughter gets in the car, she looks at the driver seat and asks about grandpa.

The pleasure part is spending time with my first born daughter.  Visiting siblings and their families (about every two or three years).  The other part of the pleasure is not having a definitive schedule (agenda).  The whole trip is being handled just like my real (retired) life.  I do things when I am good and ready, but everything that I want to do gets done.  Along the way I've met some very interesting people:  I went to a favorite breakfast restaurant that my wife and I discovered the last time we were in the area together (the service is just as good as I remember, and if possible the food is even better).  When I told our waitress about our history with the restaurant she treated us very special.  Later my daughter and I discovered a Mexican Foods Specialty Grocery Store. The store was a typical full size grocery store just like Albertson's or Super Safeway, with a bakery, deli, tortilla factory etc., you can't possibly find a better equipped store in Mexico.  We toured every isle of the store as a child tours a toy store.

While at the store I met man and woman waiting for a fresh fruit smoothie.  As is my nature I struck up a conversation with the couple in Spanish.  The lady said to me that it was good to see someone else with a health habit of eating or drinking my veggies and fruits.  Somehow the conversation came around to how she was older than me, and I said I real seriously doubted that.  Then I said to her that I wasn't in the habit of asking a lady for her age, but I said if I may inquire how old are you.  She was 81 (even showed me her State ID), and the man with her was her 62 year old son (I swear both looked in their 50's with a full head of hair). 

The staff on Alaska Airlines have been magnificent, the Hertz car rental company also magnificent, we are definitely getting the VIP treatment.  Our California family is treating us like guests of honor, and showing their love for us.  It’s a good thing I don't like to take advantage or we would move down here in a heartbeat.  The weather is summer like.  One day was 94 degrees, and today is 84 degrees.  Perfect weather for the beach areas that we visited recently.  The only things that are still adverse around here are the traffic bottle necks on all the freeways. A trip any were can be double or triple in length if you don't pick the right time for the trip.  I have seen three very bad accidents, where I suppose fatalities were likely, but I always say my prayers before starting any trip, and so far so good.

No matter how perfect and enjoyable this trip turns out, both my daughter and I are looking forward to our return to everyday life, and our loved ones that miss us and that we miss.  My daughter will return to her high strung daily routine in the medical field, and I guess I will return to my life of leisure (ho-hum, every day is Saturday except Sunday).

This mini vacation is half way through, and I will write one more post on the subject in the near future.  The best is yet to come….

Our Place in Life

Our Place in Life

Is your life one that requires you to travel out of town for work?  I spent 27 plus years doing that exact same thing in my career.  Week after week I would pack my bags for travel that lasted most of the week.  While I missed my family, I had the comfort of knowing that I was doing it for them.  My children were ok with it because mom was always home at the end of the day.

I bring the subject up because as I write this post, I am in the middle of a mini 4 day trip to Southern California.  There is no guilt trip leaving home as required for work, but leaving home for time off to visit family, comes with a ton of guilt.  I've never ever had the feeling that I had to get away from home, because there is nothing better than a fun and happy home.  My biggest joy in life has become spending time with my three granddaughters (three, four and seven years old).  On the other hand I haven't visited with my siblings in near 3 years, and as you all know time waits for no one.  My nephews and nieces, are growing, and growing so very fast.  One of my nieces just turned 30 years old this weekend (she was 27 years old the last time I saw her).  One of my brothers just got married this last weekend, and I missed it all together.  I'm not looking for justification to nullify the guilt feelings, of being away from home, but bottom line there is value on all the options and reasons.

There is a couple or three things that weigh in today that weren't a factor ever in the past.  My three granddaughters, enjoy spending time with their grandfather (me), I've been known to color on coloring books, watch the Disney Channel, Calliou, Lazy Town, play at putting puzzles together with the three year old, sing songs like Old McDonald Had a Farm, and Itsy bitsy Spider, all these from sun up to sun down, without a break.  My granddaughters have been known to pass up a chance to go to Chuck E. Cheese, to stay at grandpa's house instead, etc., etc.  Well the day I left on my four day trip, my seven year old granddaughter cried because she missed her grandfather.  My four year old granddaughter was quoted as saying, "I'm going to miss my grandfather when he goes away, I miss him already and he hasn't left yet!"

I always try to find the silver lining in every negative in life, and I couldn't help but draw a parallel between being away temporarily in an avoidable trip, and the real and forced departure, of leaving this life.  I've always had a cavalier attitude about death and dying.  By that I mean:  when my time comes, I am ready and prepared to go, no regrets.  That is until this lesson came up.  I knew that my wife and children would miss me, and so would my brothers, and sisters, but I had always hoped that they would celebrate my life instead of mourning my passing.  I come to the realization that my brothers and sisters have a bigger stake in my life than I realized.  I am the oldest of my father's children, and by unanimous vote also the one that looks most like my father and is most like him in every expect including mannerism, voice, and attitude.  My siblings and their children loved my father so much that since he passed away (10 plus years ago), all of their love and focus has been redirected at me.  A very high and possibly unearned honor, but certainly an honor that I will work hard to be worthy of.

I underestimated, how much understanding and love my little granddaughters have for me.  It makes me sad to think that I would leave a void in my little girls precious lives.  I am planning on not going away with short notices on planned trips and I plan to work even harder, at staying healthy, and not taking any chances that might endanger my life.  I also know how much my wife loves me and what I mean to her.  I'm making this commitment equally for my wife and children, and all my loved ones.  I knew I was loved and well thought of, but i don't believe that I understood my place in the family.  The best is yet to come…..