Your Effect On Others

What you say and do will come back to you

I’ve said it before and I repeat it every chance I get.  Whatever you say or do today will come back to you, in a positive, negative, or indifferent way, but it will come back to you. Let’s look at some examples; some minor and some extreme; Because I am of the male gender, I will use a male as an example, we all have someone we feel we can trust with information (and that is why I feel that a secret can only be kept by two people if one dies immediately), so you say something negative about your supervisor; your friend shares it with his wife whom he trusts, she tells her best friend, and on and on, and on until it gets back to your supervisor.  One day you get called into the supervisor’s office and you are reprimanded or worst yet, fired.  What you said in confidence just came back to bite you, and the funny thing is you may never really know why you got fired.

Now for the extreme example; a single and available individual can’t decide what to do on Friday evening, he is invited to sporting event by some friends, but he decides to take a rain check and just stay home and relax.  Later that evening, he gets hungry and can’t decide whether to cook or eat out, he flips a coin and going out wins.  While at the favorite local eatery he runs into a young lady coworker, and they share a booth, and maybe order a drink while they wait for their meals.  After the meal they continue having cocktails, bottom line they end up spending the night at her place.  They avoid each other at work, because they are not really anything more than coworkers.  Three months later he gets the news he is going to be a daddy. Dang it, should have gone to the sporting event!

You didn’t only effect your life, and the life of the coworker, but now a young life will become a new branch to the family tree.  Then again a more positive outcome might have been that the two coworkers fell in love, and eventually married and lived happily ever after.  There again all your actions will come back to you in one way or another. Wouldn’t it be nice if we all took just a split second to think about the actions that we are contemplating and how the outcomes may play out?

Here is an example of how a positive or indifferent (depending on your perspective) outcome may play out.  The Red Cross is setting up a couple of information booths at the local mall.  You are one of the volunteers manning one of the booths, and your supervisor’s daughter sees you, and tells her father over dinner.  Monday morning your supervisors drops by your office, and relates that he would be interested in volunteering for the Red Cross, and asks for your help in signing up.  That example could be indifferent or have a very positive effect on how your supervisor sees you.

I must admit that I have pondered in the past, whether I am a good person because I am a good person, or because I am establish in my community, and easily recognizable. The bottom line is that I am community service oriented person, and play well with others.  I also always think about the consequences of my action and sometimes even of my thoughts.

One good habit that has contributed to love and peace in our home, is that both my wife and I believe that once a word leaves your lips it can’t be taken back and no apology will ever erase the damage done.  Even in anger, many words and thoughts must be kept in check.  There is a funny saying that I subscribe to:  It is better to keep silent and be thought a fool than to speak and remove all doubt.  The best is yet to come….

Age Perspective Part 4

As Good As I Once Was

 The only time you really live fully is from thirty to sixty. The young are slaves to dreams; the old, servants of regrets. Only the middle-aged have all their five senses in the keeping of their wits. -Hervey Allen

Thirty-five is when you finally get your head together and your body starts falling apart. - Caryn Leschen

If you are looking for wisdom about life in your thirties, you can find it in the two quotes above.  So you’ve been dreading turning the big three-O, and now it’s here.  I remember arriving into my thirties being a newlywed, head over hills in love, and taking on the world and its challenges with gusto and fearlessness.  Once we get to the thirties we have to be bold and confront the life ahead of us and not continue with the attitude that there is plenty of time for me to get serious and established.

If you simply consider that at present the goal for the majority of people is to retire by age 65.  Many of us would like to and actually strive to retire by age 50, so we can enjoy a semblance of good health, and vigor even if not youth as seen through the eyes of people in their thirties.  If you haven’t done anything to prepare yourself for retirement by age thirty, get some comfort in knowing that you have 35 years left to accomplish your goal.  The only difference is that now the room for error is not as forgiving.

At the risk of sounding like a braggart, I am happy to say that I established my pension plan while still in my twenties.  Beyond that, I was lucky to have a good friend that provided me with guidance to get me on track to maximize my retirement plan.  In my eyes this friend was an expert; in his lifetime he had established two pensions, plus Social Security.  How do you dare argue with success? 

So much for finances, now let’s address the real significance of the age.  I was thirty five when I first found out that my body didn’t recover from injury as fast as it used to.  I’m not talking about car accident type injuries; I’m talking about injuries from weekend warrior activities, softball games, tennis, racket ball, long hikes, and sore muscles in general.  I quickly learned that I was still very competitive, but there is definitely one thing you should not compete with.  Simply put, you should not try to compete with yourself, of ten years prior or even five years earlier.

When you hear people say 30 is the new 20, maybe with some slight limitations, but whatever you do don’t believe and try to prove correct that 40 is the new 30.  Trust me on this; your brain will do the talk, and maybe appearance, but your body will not only not do the walk, it will actually say “hell no!”  There aren’t many things that I do to extreme, but friends that do, tell me that as you progress in age, recovering from a weekend of over indulgence (hangover) takes up to five times the time and effort.  Even Toby Keith of the country music genre, recorded a very popular song titled; Not As Good As I Once Was.

As you enter and go through the age of the thirties, I recommend that you start taking care of your body, and mind, like it’s the only one you have (because it is) and needs to last another (if you are lucky) fifty years at least.  These are the years when you begin to make serious money if you learned anything in the life you lived.  The children grow up and move away, and if you are fortunate to have a strong relationship with your spouse/partner/love of your life, you can pick up where you were, when life interrupted your love affair.

Imagine what it’s like to be in love, as it was when you were younger, but now you have the money to treat each other to some of the things you couldn’t afford in the early part of your relationship. Please understand that I am not talking about Donald Trump kind of fortune, just the kind of money that is achievable if you start planning no later than in your thirties.  It’s always possible with a little effort, and some planning that; the best is yet to come….

Are We There Yet?

Are We There Yet?

Do you enjoy driving long distances!  Once upon a time I enjoyed making the trip between Southern California and the Northwest (we are talking 20 plus hours one way to visit relatives).  I am a glutton for punishment but not extreme, I always stay at a hotel one night whenever the drive is more than 12 hours.  After all, even professional truck drivers are required to limit their hours on the road without rest.  Driving for me was never about rushing between point A and point B, it was always about the leisurely enjoyment, and the scenery.  Being able to stop to fuel the vehicle, and stretching my legs every once in a while, enjoy a meal at the fine truck stops and meeting colorful characters that you can meet at a truck stop diner.

As I grew older and during the time I spent working on my career, I averaged between two thousand and three thousand miles per month over many years (while on the job).  That grueling schedule, can dampen your driving enjoyment.  There is always a silver lining to every negative.  The many miles traveled in the performance of my job’s duties allowed me to clear my head, and even plan my strategy for meetings where I would be leading the conversations.  My driving time even became useful after the cell telephone became affordable, because I could spend the driving time talking to my wife and or children.

It seems that one of the most common and repetitive things that happen when traveling with children, is that at least one out of every family, will constantly ask the question; “Are We There Yet.” With all my children being grown up, and a number of my grandchildren past the stage of traveling with me by car, I thought I had survived it without occurrence.

In the last 6 months I noticed that my 4 year old granddaughter no sooner gets in the car, then she starts; “Are We There Yet?”  It’s probably not as bad as I make it sound, but it seems like every two minutes.  For the longest time I handled it like an adult normally would by repeating as necessary not yet, every time.  As you get to know me you would realize that I am hatching a plan in my mind for dealing with it.

The answer was so easy that I can’t figure out why I didn’t think of it sooner.  I would recommend that you try it also if the need arises (I won’t patent it so everyone can use it).  When the question first comes up; “Are We There Yet?”  My response is yes we are.  She looks out the window and sees that we are still moving or doesn’t recognize our destination, and she immediately answers no we are not grandpa stop saying that.  End of conversation until we actually arrive, and then she usually says, ok we are there.

I try to learn something new every day, and it’s so easy to learn from small children because they haven’t yet learned to accept no as definitive.  For many years to come they will continue to learn to think outside the box.  Then of course one day the system or society will clamp down on their minds and discourage them from being positive in the face of resistance.  I will influence my family for as long as I am able, but I will never impose my beliefs on them (just continuing to lead by example).  The best is yet to come….

The Country Side of Me

Roy Clark Life Time Influence

I was raise on a farm from age 12 to 17 so I had exposure to my share of Country.  Everyone in my age group has had exposure to Country Music if for no other reason simply because some of us were here before Rock and Roll.  I still remember that some of our Physical Education (PE) Classes (throughout Junior High School) included dance classes and I enjoyed the square dancing and line dancing.  It was always fun when the girl’s PE Class and their good looking PE instructor Joined us for co-ed class.  The instructors finally got smart and had us enter the gym in a line that met in the middle and we were paired off randomly (the boys use to be real obvious about avoiding certain girls they didn’t like, and would scramble out of line to avoid a matchup they didn’t approved of.  Feelings would get hurt, and the instructors strictly enforced the random match-ups.  I played the good guy more than once and asked a girl out to dance that the other guys were avoiding.  The random gentlemanly actions earned me kudos, and good grades from the both PE instructors.

Country/Folk and Bluegrass; are the origins of rural acoustic music forms that influenced the development of rock music. Featured artists include Woody Guthrie, Peter Seeger, Lead Belly, Josh White, Hank Williams, Bob Willis, and Bill Monroe.  You can’t discount, or ignore the early contributions of Blues, R&B, and Gospel.  When I first experienced country it wasn’t anything like todays Country Music with its Pop crossover style.  Sometimes it’s hard to tell if a song is Country are pop in today’s music scene.  The dead giveaway is usually the name of the artist and where their recent recordings are rooted.

My early influences were Hank Williams, Chet Atkins, Johnny Cash, Waylon Jennings, Jim Reeves, and Marty Robbins to name but a few.  Matter of fact the first acoustic guitar I ever bought was at Western Auto because of the influence of Marty Robbins (my favorite song at the time amongst many of his songs was; A White Sports Coat and A Pink Carnation).  Fortunately for me, my wife and I enjoy similar taste in music and her all-time favorite country artist is Patsy Cline (walking after Midnight and Sweet Dreams among my wife’s favorites).  I need to mention one other favorite song from the old school country and that would be, Yesterday When I Was Young, by Roy Clark.  If you pay attention to the lyrics, I think that you will find that many people everywhere live their lives in that life style, and few recognize the error of their ways in time to turn it around.  For many years now I have kept that song fresh on my mind to remind me of the dos and don’ts of a fruitful life.

I’ve always been good at finding the center of things that I am involved in.  In reference to country music looking at the artists that I mention, most of them were considered the influence of Outlaw Country, yet today, I can enjoy Tim McGraw, Reba, McBride, Garth Brooks, Underwood, and all the fine recording artists of present time.  Another badge of honor is that I grew up watching The Grand Ole Opry, and of course Hee Haw with Roy Clark.  When you get around to peeling back the onion’s layers you find that when it comes to music I am pretty much a well-rounded aficionado. The best is yet to come…

Oldies but Goodies

Buddy Holly and the Crickets (True Love Ways)

 Did you enjoy your parent’s music growing up or was it forced on you, and you hated it.  Because there are only two ways it can go, you either embrace or hate so much that as soon as you can control your own music you are into your own thing.  I grew up in a time when the music that was on the radio was destined to shape the future of music.  I’m talking rock and roll, Motown, The Beatles, Elvis, The Jackson 5, Michael Jackson, and then there was the ever popular variety shows that brought it all home on the television set;  American Bandstand, The Ed Sullivan Show, and Soul Train.

The Oldies of the time for me were the Big Band sounds of the 1940’s, Blues, and one time wonders.  Here is a list of the top 5 party songs of the 1940’s (didn’t mean much to me but my parents loved them);

• Elmer's Tune ~ Glenn Miller (1941)
• In the Mood ~ Glenn Miller (1940)
• Mule Train ~ Frankie Laine (1949)
• Rum and Coca-Cola ~ The Andrews Sisters (1946)
• Swinging on a Star ~ Bing Crosby (1944)

Top five most requested songs of the 1940s:

• Sentimental Journey ~ Les Brown And His Orchestra
• You Made Me Love You (I Didn't Want To Do It) ~ Harry James And His Orchestra
• Buttons And Bows ~ Dinah Shore
• (There'll Be Bluebirds Over) The White Cliffs Of Dover ~ Kay Kyser And His Orchestra
• Amor ~ Xavier Cugat & His Orchestra
  
  

Top five songs of the swing era/war years (after eliminating those listed as being from the 1930s):

• Around Midnight ~ Thelonius Monk 1948
• Blue Moon of Kentucky ~ Bill Monroe 1945
• Body and Soul ~ Coleman Hawkins 1940
• Boogie Chillun ~ John Lee Hooker 1948
• Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy ~ The Andrews Sisters 1941

For my generation Oldies was what was happening fresh and influencing the future music; Elvis Presley, Buddy Holly, Rick Nelson, Fats Domino, Chuck Berry, Little Richard, The Everly Brothers, Bill Haley & The Comets, Ray Charles, The Platters, Bo Diddley, Jerry Lee Lewis, Sam Cooke, and Roy Orbison to name a few of about 200 contributors that I could name.  I could listen to the music of my era full time and never get tired, but I try to be progressive and open minded, so listen to the current adult Top 40 and contemporary music of the time.  The best is yet to come…..

Little House on the Prairie

No Silver Spoon Here

My life started out very nice and stable, I hope your life was as nice and as stable as mine was.  Because when you have stability in the beginning everything else usually falls in place.  The thing I value most, and this isn’t just recently but throughout my existence, is family.  If I had to choose between a happy family life and money, I would choose family every time.  I’ve known some very wealthy people that were miserable, because for most, they lost family support along the way, in pursuit of riches.  Money wealth can best be enjoyed when you are surrounded by family, and can provide you with quality family time, without the concern of how you will meet your financial obligations.  In other words there is a happy medium when you can enjoy the best of both worlds (family and money wealth).

Like in everything else moderation (or good fortune) plays a role.  If you work way to hard or even smart sometimes the thing you are sacrificing is family life.  By the time you realize your mistake you find yourself visiting your children on every other weekend.  If all you ever do for a living is a 40 hour a week job, you can possibly have a very nice balance between family and work.  There could well be other factors that demand more of you, then the secure pay of a steady 40 hour per week job. 

As an example, if you like to keep up with neighbors or other relatives (not a good thing) with regard to the new car or bigger house (even kid’s college), you are destined for heart ache.  More often than not what you see is only a front.  I have known friends that appeared to have it all, job success, money, house, family, and yet they would gladly get off of the merry-go-round if they could.  It’s now a known fact that many people maintained an extravagant life style by borrowing on the equity of their house.  Many families were driven to poverty and some to divorce because the real estate bubble, and financial institution bubble burst, and they were left with houses they couldn’t afford.

My wife once asked me if there was something wrong with the way we handled our finances because we didn’t have a stock portfolio.  There are those people, especially the ones that make a living from selling and trading stocks that will tell you that your money is safe.  I personally have always had a distrust for the stock market, and was recently proven right.  The stock market is on the rebound again, and people are starting to jump back in, and I wish them well, but won’t be joining them any time soon.

My money has never double or tripled overnight, but it also has never disappeared overnight.  I must say the mattress is getting a little lumpy with all the rolls of quarters under it (just kidding it’s all in dimes).

After my mother and father divorced, and later both remarried to different people, my life style changed drastically, but overall if was not a bad thing.  I ended up going from a city life style to country (farm) life style.  I learned what it was like to work hard for every penny I earned, and to appreciate all of nature’s gifts.  If you ever had a chance to see Little House on the Prairie, that’s what I now see as my life on the farm.  Of course we were much more progressive than that, we had all the modern advances of the time (electric appliances, new cars, television, etc.), but you must admit Little House on the Prairie paints an idyllic picture. If I could use three words to describe my life, they would be; family, stability, and moderation.  The best is yet to come….

Caped Crusaders

Man of Steel

 For those of us that grew up with comic books, 2013 will be a banner year.  Did you grow up with an interest in all or any of the comic book heroes?  Because if you did, this year has many special treats coming to the big screen.  I purposely have stayed away from the cinemas for a number of years now, and it isn’t all about the violence.  As an example of a good reason to stay away two tickets for an evening show is very close to $30 dollars, and we are not even talking 3D or IMAX Theater.  Should you decide to have some treats like butter popcorn, a hot dog, Nachos, ice cream or candy, you will easily spend another $30 to $40 dollars on two people.

Well, this may just be the year that I break into my old habit of going to the movies.  There is 8 to 10 cape crusader type heroes coming to the big screen this year (the memories these films will bring back alone, is worth the price).  Starting out with my favorite, Man of Steel (Superman), Iron Man 3, Wolverine and on, and on.  I am so looking forward to this year at the movies.  There will of course have to be some romance type movies in between as payoff to my wife if she is to accompany me.  Not at all a sacrifice, through the years of marriage, I have been trained to enjoy a good romance movie once in a while.

I may even try my hand at writing a romantic novel in the near future.  I’ll just have to get in touch with my feminine side before I get started; or better yet I will write it from the man’s perspective.  After all it takes two to Tango.  I guess I will have to use a pseudonym, so I won’t ruin my Macho standing (I don’t have standing and don’t need one).  Writing of any style can be challenging, I hear that sooner or later almost everyone hits a writer’s block, and you struggle until you get past it.

Back to the comic book heroes; since I followed the various comics from a young age, I can instantly catch on to the story line, and immediately see on the big screen what I previously only saw in my imagination.  I am so happy that my grandchildren can now, all this many years later, see what grandpa grew up with.  Trust me while the graphics are great, I had seen the images in my mind many, many years ago.

So many advances in Digital Technology that I am always looking forward to the next development to come out.  Google Glass is the one that I can see enjoying while around the office or house. I’m not sure that I would want to wear that device while driving or riding a motorcycle.  Drivers today have enough distraction with texting, and talking on the cell phone without surfing the web.

I must admit that using our imaginations back before the digital technology age arrived, made us a little less equal, because some of us had more active imaginations.  As a good example of a sharp imagination; I always wondered why at the start of the Adventures of Superman (the television series 1952-58) the announcer would read; "Faster than a speeding bullet, more powerful than a locomotive, able to leap tall buildings in a single bound," yet when a thug ran out of bullets and threw the gun at superman he would duck. 

Well, I did some research and this is what I found out; an often talked about mistake in the show is that Superman would duck when a thug would throw his empty gun at Superman. While this mistake is often attributed to George Reeves not wanting to be hit by a prop gun, it was actually George's stunt double (Dale Van Sickle) who ducked. And this mistake actually only happened once, in The Mind Machine. If you watch the fight scene closely, you can see that a stunt double is used some of the time and that it is that double who ducked. In 1959 The Adventures of Superman were scheduled to start filming the next season in the middle of summer, but was cancelled when George Reeves was killed that June in 1959.  Here is a little extra information; all the cast characters in the series were paid $200 dollars per episode.  Compare that to today’s television series actors.

If comic book heroes can’t drag you back to the cinema, don’t worry as usual the movies will work their way from the big screen to the DVD rental.  The best is yet to come….

Man’s Best Friend

Lassie Man’s Best Friend

Did you have a special pet growing up? Having a pet at a young age can serve so many purposes. You get to learn about responsibility, friendship, compassion, a level of social interaction, and so much more. You even learn about caring and actually loving something other than yourself. If you grew into your teens without a special friend (pet), you don't know what you missed out on.

I was 12 years old and living on the farm before I had my very first dog. He was a Collie and looked just like the dog Lassie on the television series (1954-74). Of course I named him Lassie. I took him everywhere with me while I was doing my chores or just going for a walk through the many acres that my stepfather managed. I had accepted a rule imposed on me as part of my ownership of Lassie. Lassie was to be tied up (chained anytime that I wasn't around with him).

Near the entrance to one of the big barns I kept all the equipment I needed to groom Lassie. Special shampoo, brush, even a blow dryer so I could dry his fur. Whenever someone in a pickup truck was going into town, I would take Lassie for a ride by riding with him in the back of the truck (that was long before the required seat belts). At that time in my life I was naive enough to believe that the doggie and I would grow old together. I even wonder what I would do when the time came to go away to college.

One day I came home from school on the school bus and was surprised to find that Lassie wasn't tied to her chain where she usually waited for me every day after school. I went into a panic and began calling her name within a quarter mile radius of our home. By the time I got back home he was waiting for me near the place where he was normally kept chained. I was shocked that he had blood all over him, and my first thought was that he got hurt fighting with another dog or dogs. Lassie wasn't acting injured, if anything he was acting playful.

I put away my books, and went over every inch of lassie looking for injuries. When I didn't find any injuries, my next instinct was to get rid of the evidence. I gave him a good scrubbing with shampoo than I toweled him dry and finished by using the blow dryer on him. I took the wet towels and got them started washing on our electric washer to get rid of the evidence. Then I went for a long walk with my dog into the partially harvested corn fields. My plan was to get my dog sweaty (I don't even know if dogs perspire- I don't think they do), and dirty. The main thing is I didn't want him to look like he had just been groomed.

When Lassie and I got back to the farm house my step-father was there talking to some men that came by, and were carrying rifles, and shotguns. They appeared abrupt and bad tempered. They wanted to take a close look at my dog, and of course my step-father gave his permission. They totally scrutinized Lassie looking through his fur, his ears and collar. The whole time this was going on I was silently praying that I had done a good job of washing all the blood off of him. When they were done, they asked me where I usually kept my dog during the day (this was a question they had already asked of my step-father. I explained that when I wasn't around he was kept chained, and I showed them where. I told them he had been chained when I arrived from school, and that I had taken him for a walk as I usually do every day.

At the risk of upsetting my step-father, I asked the men why they were looking at my dog. The man that appeared to be in charge explained that one of his mint fields about a mile away from our house had 600 hundred geese clearing the weeds, when they were attacked by a dog or pack of dogs, that stampeded the geese into an irrigation canal killing about 500 of the geese. His last words as he left (satisfied that my dog had nothing to do with his problems) were that when he caught up with the owner of the culprit dog they were going to pay $7 per goose times 500.

A week later my good friend Lassie was gone when I got back from school. I looked for him late into the night, but months went by and I finally gave up trying to find him. I was in my twenties before my mother told me that she felt real bad about a secret that she had kept form me for many years. As it turned out, my mother was asked by my stepfather, if she had seen anything unusual with regard to Lassie, and she told him that I had given Lassie a bath before I even came into the house after school. No one even asked me about my side of the story (I would have lied of course). As it turned out my step-father explained to my mother that once a dog learns to eat or attack poultry, he will always return to the scene of the crime and bad habit. Not wanting to risk having to pay for all the butchered geese, he decided to get rid of Lassie. The story is that he was traveling to Oregon on business, and he gave Lassie away while out of State. I prefer to believe that version of the story, so I never confronted my step-father I was afraid to hear something different.

I've always kept a special family friend around the house, and I often said that if I die and come back as a dog or cat I hope that I end up in a home like ours. In our home the pets (family members) own the house, and we are the guests. The best is yet to come....

Age Perspective Part 3

As Time Goes By

Have you ever wonder what awaits you at every level of age (20’s, 30’s, 40’s etc.), if you are reading this blog, you have gone through a few of those levels.  There’s no argument that every level of age in life is crucial in every way.  Having lived the twenties (and this is definitely my perspective), I would have to say that the 20’s are the formative years.  The rest of your life is dependent on what you accomplish, or even set the stage to make happen in later years during your 20’s.

If you totally waste the 20’s age period you can still redeem the rest of your life particularly the 40’s 50’s and 60’s by playing catch-up in the 30’s.  Imagine if you are participating in a car race made of 60 laps, and instead of fighting for the lead in the laps 20 through 30, you decide to make a pit stop and have lunch and a 6-pack.  When you re-enter the race you find that you are a little unprepared to drive to win because of the 6-pack you drank.  To make things worse, you find that all the other competitors (in real life this could be the people that you went to high school with) not only kept fighting for the number one position but they are now 4 or 5 laps ahead of you.

What makes life more intricate is that as life keeps progressing our responsibilities grow.  Some ways that our responsibility grows;  we get married, we have a child or more, we buy a house and trade the sporty car for a minivan (to transport the children), daycare, back to school clothes, shoes, school lunch, soaring medical costs, health insurance (if you have a couple of days I’ll tell you more). It’s always best to get the education and job stability out of the way early.  I have friends that retired at 50 (with a company pension) because they started with their corporations when they were 20 years old.

According to some statistics a man’s life expectancy in America is 75.5 years, for a woman it’s 80.69 years.  It doesn’t matter which you are I would hope that your goal would be to retire no later than by the age of 62.  In order to get in 30 years with any one organization to achieve a nice pension you will need to get started no later than the age of 32.  Pensions and good paying jobs have gotten harder to get since the most reason economic crisis of 2008.  Social Security has been questionable beyond 2030 according to some estimates.  The point I am trying to make is that our youth no longer have the luxury of enjoying the age level between 20 and 30 (with minimum or no effort of future planning).  If you are 30 and not yet working at some kind of pension plan, now is the time to get serious.  Plenty of time left, but no time to waste.

As for me and many others of my generation the old saying; “Better Lucky than Good!” still applies.  I was lucky that I wasn’t a party animal, I lived in a time of the sexual revolution (I was kept out of the front lines by marriage), drinking and drugs were also rampant (I was kind of square when it came to all the “in things”).  To this day I have acquaintances that didn’t survive that era very well. One of my friends described the age levels by social calendar or interaction; before the age of 20 you attend high school graduation parties, the next level is weddings and baptisms, college graduations, toddler birthday parties and anniversaries celebration, next is retirements, followed by funerals.  I am still attending birthdays, anniversary parties, and retirements.  I hope my generation stays healthy so I can postpone the last part of the social calendar.  The best is yet to come….

My One Big Secret

My One Big Secret

My mother and I had the perfect relationship between mother and son. From the age of 9 years old when my mother and father separated I became the man of the house (literally). The family unit was made up of my mother, my sister (7 years older than me), and me the only man in the house.  My sister passed away three years ago, so I can say the following without hurting her feeling (I am sure she was aware) I believe that I was my mother’s favorite child. Some relatives often said that I resembled my father so much, whom she loved until the day she died, and that is why she favored me.

Communications with my mother were excellent.  There was never any secrets that I kept from my mother, and when she got serious about getting remarried she wanted to know my opinion and approval.  Well, I did keep one secret from her for my whole life (or as it turned out for her whole life).  Her big thing in life was for me to be happy and safe, not necessarily in that order.  Because my maternal grandmother lived on an island off of the Gulf of Mexico, many of our yearly vacations were there.  Whenever we arrived I was like a celebrity to the local kids my age and younger (and even some older ones).  After all they considered me the one that went away to the better world.  Back in those early years I thought they were the ones that were better off.

Those kids had the simple and yet majestic life.  They lived in paradise, bleached white sand on the beach, greenish blue crystal clear water, tropical breeze, banana plants, mango trees, guayabas, berries, and all the seafood you could eat.  None of those mentioned items had to be bought, they were there for the picking, or fishing.  Kids ran around barefoot, in cut-offs or swimsuits, the girls wore white blouses for tops to fend of the tropical sun and its heat.  I on the other hand was always in a process of learning a new language, lived in a climate that pretty much had the four seasons, including the cold and ice and snow of winter.  I am not complaining as it turned out Mexico definitely took a bad turn along the way with the cartels and drugs.

At the time I envied their simple life style.  They would all gather around me and wanted to hear what it was like going to school in the United States.  They wanted to hear me speak in English, and they asked me how to say some specific words in English.  They also wanted to hear about what I did for fun.  The older boys wanted to know what I thought about the non-Hispanic girls that I lived amongst.  When I mentioned the television programs that I watched, they couldn’t believe that people actually had those movie boxes in their homes. 

Since my mother always would tell me to go and play (hangout) with the other children, I always did as I was told.  It goes without saying that she expected me to make good decisions.  When it comes to deciding between adventure and safety, many young ones will go with adventure (sad to say).  Everyone pretty much decided it was time to go swimming in the river.  In those days the best I could do was stay afloat, because of my mother’s safety concerns, I was always told to stay away from the water’s edge (didn’t have any swimming lessons on my resume).

I didn’t know that over recent years, the river had been dredged to allow for ships to pass through the area.  The locals knew to stay near the river’s edge, but I didn’t.  While floating in the river strong currents pulled me away from the shore.  All of a sudden I felt the current pulling me under, I know that I fought to stay on the surface for a short time but I felt that it was for a lot longer, and I was exhausted.  Every time I came up for air I only managed a half breath and a mouthful of water.  The other kids were reaching out to me with oars, and some were swimming out to me.  Even at that young age and inexperienced as I was, I felt that I was not going to win this battle.  I made a calculated decision that I would let the current take me all the way to the bottom.  I curled my legs under me bringing my knees to my chest, and dropped to the bottom like a rock.  While I didn’t want to open my mouth and take in water, I felt like my chest was going to burst for lack of air.  When I finally felt the bottom of the river, I pushed against the river bottom with all my strength extending my legs as if they were spring loaded.  From the bottom of the river I could see the boats on the surface above the water searching for me.

When I finally broke to the surface and could finally fill my lungs with air, I was choking and coughing because I had gotten water in my lungs (it amazes me at how I didn’t panic and kept control of the lungs that had a mix of water and air in them).  My friends reached for me and pulled me into one of the boats. During the time that I wasn’t sure whether I would survive the drowning experience, I did have a quick replay of my life and I worried about how my mother would handle not having me in her life anymore..

After a quick recovery, I found that I wasn’t the only one that feared my mother and grandmother.  We made a pact that no one would ever hear about the near drowning.  A couple of times I came close to telling my mother but thought better of it.  If you don’t believe that I’ve been blessed throughout my life maybe this will convince you.  The best is yet to come…..